Posts Tagged ‘week in review’
Hey check it out. It’s a real update! It’s late and I should be asleep, but my schedule’s been pretty out-of-whack since New Years’ Eve. I actually went out for a change, and I went a little overboard with the drinking. OK fine. I went WAY overboard with the drinking. KafirBoy and I have a shared BFF who was visiting from Minnesota and he knows how to bring out that wild side that goes dormant when you’ve been in a long-term relationship for a while. You know what I’m talking about? That side of you that want so chug rum till you black out? I did not have a pretty January 1st. I’m pretty sure a part of my liver died.
I don’t usually do the whole new years’ resolution thing, but it seemed like a good idea this time around. I’ve got three:
1. Join the gym so I don’t feel like a total lump from sitting in front of the computer at work 12 hours a day.
2. Stop being a shoe-aholic. Seriously. It’s a problem. I don’t want to be the cutest girl in the poor house.
3. Blog. More frequently. And, you know, try not to vanish for a month and a half without warning. I still feel bad about it, ya’ll. I’ll try to make time and be more regular with the writing. It may not all be about the Quran, because that book is fucking depressing and boring.
I was planning on blogging over Thanksgiving, but I didn’t really get a chance. The part I failed to mention was that my sister got married that week, too. I ended up being her servant and running errands the whole time.
To top things off, my grandmother noticed my tattoos for the first time. You remember my grandmother? The one who thinks the devil owns your left hand? Yup, that one. She made a big fuss about the whole thing because — get this — God will no longer listen to my prayers.
Crazy Grandma went into some story about how one of her housekeepers back in Pakistan had a tattoo. She asked the guy how he could do such a thing to himself because it meant God would no longer listen to his prayers. The guy felt so ashamed that he went and removed his tattoo. By himself. Using a knife he held over the kitchen stove till it got red hot.
The guy felt so guilty about being a “bad Muslim” that he burned off his own skin. Ouch, dude. And Crazy Grandma said this like he was some noble person. Like she actually condoned that kind of thing. Luckily for me, an aunt stepped in and fought for my honor. “Where exactly in the Quran does it say that about tattoos?” And Crazy Grandma was left bumbling around because, seriously, I don’t think she’s actually read the thing in a language other than Arabic. Good times with the fam.
In a separate incident, I came out of the atheist closet to a couple of cousins who just didn’t get it. They got kind of angry and defensive and demanded to know how I couldn’t believe in God. “No evidence.” One of them replied back, “Oh, so you need evidence for everything, huh?” All sneery and sarcastic like. This, by the way, is the same cousin who believes love comes from the heart. Not the poetic heart, but the actual heart. The muscle. You cannot make that shit up.
And, finally, I came out as an atheist to my mother. Kinda. Here’s how it went down. My mother made some comment about how if she ever goes totally senile, she gives us permission to dump her in a nursing home. Cheerful! That led to a long conversation about assisted suicide. I’m a strong supporter and my mother, big fucking duh, is strongly opposed to it.
I told her that if someday I have a horrible fatal disease and I’m suffering, I’d rather just put myself down. And she went on this huge thing about how it’s against Islam and I’d go to hell if I did such a thing. And then it slipped out: “Ohhhh whatever, I don’t believe in any of that. And if you don’t stop talking about hell, seriously, I’ll fly out to Switzerland right now and sign myself up.”
Guess what? She stopped talking about it. Booya! Life is good. Even when I don’t have much of it outside of work. And with that, I’m off to bed. I’m packing my Quran and a pen in my purse for tomorrow’s commute. See resolution #3. I’m sticking to it!
It’s been a really rough week for us at the Kafir house. We had to say goodbye to a very special friend.
And I mean special as in special needs. KafirDog was our little retard. One time, we took her with us on vacation and let her swim in the ocean. She stood in the waves with a big shit-eating grin on her face, lapping up sea water. No amount of scolding or threatening made her stop. And as a result, she had bloody diarrhea stool all day long. The next day — no joke — KafirDog was right back in the ocean, lapping up sea water, big shit-eating grin on her face. I totally wasn’t kidding about her being a retard. She is sorely missed.
I have the day off of work today so I can take LittleKafirDog to a park to give her a little extra TLC. I know it’s Friday, but I’m not really feeling up to a LOLmuslim at the moment. I promise I’ll make it up to you by having one later on this week. I’m almost done with the next part of chapter 9, so that’ll be posted sometime later today.
P.S. I wanted to send a shoutout to Db0, who has very patiently been helping me with HTML and script and WordPress problems all week long. It’s a good thing he lives in Germany, because if he lived a little closer, I’d find him and steal his brain. Thanks Db0!
I don’t really have much in the way of updates. It’s been a busy, busy week. Some guy commented to say that Islam isn’t the problem, Christianity isn’t the problem, it’s my head that’s the problem. He told me to go see a psy. Yeah. A psy. Whatever that is. Deluded, much? Anyway, that’s kind of what inspired today’s LOLmuslim. The crazies. Enjoy:
I wanted to pimp some blogs I’ve been stalking enjoying. Maybe you’ll dig them too:
- Atheist A Go-Go (Gregory)
Know what I love? I love when I read something that makes me say, “Aww shiz, I wish I wrote like that.” And Gregory’s blog makes me say that pretty much on a daily basis. I’ve been reading it religiously (har har!) and I highly recommend it.
- A is for Atheist (Steve)
Steve is a new blogger, but he’s been a balls-to-the-wall atheist for many, many years. He might eventually do his own Quran or Bible commentary blog, but I think he should do the Book of Mormon. If there’s anything that may be more fucked up than the Quran, my money’s on the BoM. I’d love to read it myself, but I have my hands full with the Quran. It’d be nice if someone else read it (so I don’t have to). *Hint hint poke wink nudge*
and last, but certainly not least:
- My Thoughts Are Enough (Bobby)
Bobby is a young Pakistani who recently deconverted from Islam. There are a lot of things that he and I don’t agree on. One example: he wouldn’t put his feet on the Quran whereas I would wipe my dirty turdy ass on it. But I can relate. Even after I consciously made the decision to abandon all superstitions, I kept my Quran on the highest shelf in my apartment. Like a good Muslim is supposed to. I would have never called Mohammed a jackass back then. It wasn’t really fear. It was something else. Bobby’s blog reminds me of that stage in my life. We may seem like polar opposites, but rewind my life 10 years and we’re not so different after all.
I’m almost done with the next post, so stay tuned for that. In the meantime, check out my weird-as-ever search engine results:
Have a lovely Friday, all!
What a week. This site has only been active for about 6 days now, and I’ve already got three chapters under my belt. Three long, boring chapters. And I haven’t run off or slit my wrists or anything. But there are over 100 chapters left, so stay tuned. Anything could happen!