KafirGirl

We read the Quran so you don’t have to.

Deconversion Story

with 102 comments

My family is originally from Pakistan, and we moved to the States when I was 6. We lived in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia for the first few years of my life, but I don’t remember much of it.

I grew up in what I consider a moderate Sunni Muslim household. We didn’t wear hijab or pray 5 times a day, but we didn’t drink alcohol, eat pork, or date non-Muslims either. We read the Quran and went to mosque, but we cherry picked the things we wanted to practice. It was that somewhere-in-between area that most American Muslims fall into.

My parents made us to go to Islamic Sunday school at the local mosque where we learned to read (but not understand) Arabic. Most of my knowledge of Islam came from what we were taught by the imams, my teachers and my parents.

I’ve had doubts about God ever since I can remember, but I (and my parents) tried to quash them. I started questioning things at a really early age. By 8, I was wondering why God needed us to pray 5 times a day and why he needed constant reminding of how awesome he is. By 13, I was grilling my parents about how we could have predestiny and free will at the same time as Islam claims. (There are some hilariously broody diary entries from this phase in my life that I might post at some point so we can all have a good laugh.)

When I started college, I considered myself an agnostic. The more I questioned things, the less I believed. I took a lot of theology and history of religion classes in an attempt to seek out “the truth.” I wanted to learn everything I could about all religions, and that, in a nutshell, is what killed God for me. I guess a little knowledge goes a long way.

I’ve been a proud atheist for 9 years, and life has never been better. So why bother reading the Quran now?

Here’s the deal: I realized about a year ago that I had never eaten pork in my entire life. Not even after my deconversion. I couldn’t bring myself to eat pork, no matter how good it looked or smelled. Just admitting that it looked and smelled good was a battle. I felt like such a dumb shit when I realized what I was doing — letting some God I didn’t believe in hold me back from trying something new. Even when I turned my back on Islam, I couldn’t let it all go.

I am proof that indoctrination works. The more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. What other things was religion holding me back from? What else was lurking around from my past?

I eventually did work up the nerve to try pork. I loved it. Not just because it was my way of saying “fuck you” to the invisible man in the sky, but because I thought it was actually good, and oddly enough, it’s become one of my favorite foods.

And that’s why I’m reading the Quran now.

I feel like I was tricked into believing some petty stupid things all my life, not just about God, but also about life in general. I want to see where it all came from. This is my way of understanding Islam, working out those issues, and really moving past religion. I’m not sure what exactly I’ll get out of it, but if it inspires even one person to question what they were raised to believe, then it’ll be worth sitting through all those “God is so awesome” surahs.

So that’s it. I cracked open my Quran on July 3, 2008, and I’ll start writing about it soon.

In the meantime, if you want to know more about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, check out the FAQ. If you have any questions, leave a comment there and I’ll get back to you.

Let the good times begin.

Written by kafirgirl

July 7, 2008 at 2:20 pm

102 Responses

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  1. I’m really looking forward to reading your blog! What do your parents think about your views now?

    Sarah

    July 9, 2008 at 10:48 pm

  2. Hi Sarah, thanks, and I hope I don’t disappoint. I like your question. Think I’ll add it to the FAQ, because I’m sure it’ll come up again at some point.

    kafirgirl

    July 10, 2008 at 12:42 am

  3. I’ve just read the first 2 posts – a great read and I’m looking forward to following you further. You might like to know the exact translation you are using is available online at http://www.quran-online.net/ – I shall do my best to keep up

    sph

    July 10, 2008 at 7:54 am

  4. kafirgirl, first let me say thank you for this blog. I have now included you in my reader, which does not contain THAT many blogs. I am very eager to follow you in your journey through the Koran. This is quite an undertaking and I won’t hold it against you if you lose your motivation for the project. But that said, I sure hope you can see it through to the end. I assure you I will read right along with you.

    Bob Magness

    July 10, 2008 at 8:35 am

  5. sph, you rock. Thanks for the link — the site I was using had tons of spelling mistakes and other annoyances.

    Bob, I feel honored to be in your reader. I think if I can suffer through the first few chapters, I’ll be OK. The shorter verses in the back, I’ve been assured, are much easier to get through. …if only I can get through The Cow.

    kafirgirl

    July 10, 2008 at 12:13 pm

  6. Well, you’re in my reader as well. (I have 17 blogs in my reader, is that a lot?).

    An interesting question, perhaps a good one for the FAQ: are you making a point of remaining anonymous? How afraid are you of being attacked in some way? You are a great writer and could probably publish, but is that something you’d like to avoid?

    Thanks for the blog!

    Dread Polack

    July 10, 2008 at 6:47 pm

  7. Shucks, thank you, Dread. I don’t know about being a great writer or anything — it still kind of shocks me that people are even reading this thing, let alone enjoying it. Great question; I’ll add it to the FAQ.

    kafirgirl

    July 10, 2008 at 8:15 pm

  8. Hiya Kafirgirl! I’ve added your blog to mah daily feed…cause i can’t get enough of your wit :) I have a question though. How religious are your parents? Do you have brothers? Are you worried about “coming out” to them? I hear all these horror stories about women being “honor killed”, so naturally, I worry about you. Regardless, keep up the good work! I enjoyed reading your blog very much!

    HereticChick

    July 10, 2008 at 10:10 pm

  9. Hey HereticChick (a most excellent name, btw)! Thank you for reading and for adding me to your daily feed.

    Honor killings have been the news a lot lately, haven’t they? Good. It wasn’t that long ago that we’d hear about honor killings from talking to relatives in Pakistan, but it never made the news here. This is, sadly enough, a huge step up.

    My parents are religious in the sense that they believe in God, go to mosque and pray, but they’re not extreme in their religiousness. They’re moderate. I do have brothers. One of them is religious the same way my parents are, and the other one, I have a feeling, is just a few short years away from coming out as an atheist himself. My family knows I’m “not religious” but I don’t think the word atheist has been brought up — I think my dad would shit his pants twice and die.

    kafirgirl

    July 10, 2008 at 11:05 pm

  10. I am looking forward to reading more of your blog as well, I hope you cover the entire quran. Somehow inherently i have some respect for religious beliefs and have felt for long that we should not offend people and their beliefs, but I frankly feel that there are elements of religion which have a very great impact on society and should be analyzed on their truth claims.

    Another Kafir

    July 11, 2008 at 9:51 am

  11. Hi Another Kafir! Up until a few years ago, I felt that I was equally tolerant of all religions and I was willing to walk on egg shells so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings or offend anyone’s beliefs. Fuck that. It’s how they keep their beliefs from being analyzed and scrutinized and understood. It’s what keeps their intolerant, bullshit religion alive.

    When a professor gets tossed out of his classroom window for saying the Quran is a product of Middle Eastern human history, there is a huge problem. When a school girl in Canada is murdered by her father for not wanting to wear hijab, that’s a huge problem. When you can’t leave the religion for fear of someone killing you — not necessarily your own family, but just some random crazy fuck out there who finds out — that’s a huge fucking problem.

    Talking about it in a way that doesn’t offend any of these people doesn’t do a damn thing. Liberal Muslims would benefit just as much as the rest of us by chipping in and dragging Islam onto the examining table, instead of sitting around red-faced, ashamed of what goes on “back home.”

    Sorry, that was my little pre-coffee rant for the morning.

    Anyway, hi, and thank you for reading. I’ll do my best to finish the book. It’s kinda boring, but I’m hoping it’ll pick up towards the middle.

    kafirgirl

    July 11, 2008 at 12:27 pm

  12. By the way… I’d like to mention that the first time I ever learned the word “Kafir” was in a great fantasy series called “The Rose of the Prophet” by Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman. In this story, the world is shaped like an icosahedron, and each of the twenty faces is ruled by a different god whose personality traits are determined by the three corners his face is touching.

    So for instance, many of the book’s heroes are desert nomads ruled by the god Akhran, whose traits are “Chaos, Impatience, and Faith”. There is another god who loosely corresponds to the Christian god (at his best), and on the opposite face is a devil-like being.

    On interesting outcome is how some personality traits which might be considered “virtues” are the territory of gods who wind up being the series’ main villains, such as “Law” (opposite of chaos), which is the strongest trait of a god who runs an Islamic theocracy and tries to destroy all the other gods to take over the world. In the end, the followers of many gods who are polar opposites have to join forces and restore balance.

    Very interesting series, with a lot of great humor and solid character development. Three tiers of actors, with mortals, immortals, and gods all interacting with one another in interesting combinations.

    I mentioned this because both Akhran’s followers and the Imam’s god refer to “kafirs” a whole lot, and I think all the books have a glossary for words like that.

    Kazim

    July 11, 2008 at 4:05 pm

  13. Wow, sounds very interesting, Russell. And, um, way deeper than the Quran. I’ll have to check it out.

    kafirgirl

    July 11, 2008 at 6:18 pm

  14. I am looking forward to this blog, i have recently have had Muslims say “if you read the Quran you will convert instantly” much like Christians who replace the word “Quran” with “Bible” the only problem is that i read the bible, twice, and haven’t been able to make a dent in the Quran. however i think that with your mix of examination and humor, i’ll be able to make it to the end. looking forward to further posts:)

    Kevin

    July 12, 2008 at 5:56 am

  15. Me again, what I intended to say was that people are religious and ritualistic by nature, and as long as people freely believe what they do and do things with their will, even if weird, unscientific, or even stupid, it should be fine. The main problem is with the very political nature of religion, which concerns with the other people following or not.
    In response we should be careful not to resort to a political atheism. I do not wish that people stop being religious(in the truest sense not as islam defines it) at all, but i do also believe that people should place human values and rights over this.
    Looking forward to read more and more, I am also reading parallelly.

    Another Kafir

    July 12, 2008 at 10:53 am

  16. Also can you keep telling the underlying story as you go on.. the biggest problem i find is that people think things are quoted out of context for which one needs a researched answer and its sort of hard to understand the things as it is in the Skeptics version.

    Another Kafir

    July 12, 2008 at 10:55 am

  17. Hi Kevin, thanks for reading along. I don’t know how this rumor about instant conversion got started. It’s a lot of hype to live up to, isn’t it? Yiish. By the way, f this site helps convert you to Islam, I’m doing something terribly wrong.

    Hi Another Kafir. I don’t think I agree with you. I understand what you’re trying to say, but where we differ is that I have no problem with so-called militant atheism or political atheism. Your rights end where mine begin, and religion has, in general, completely ignored that boundary. I do wish that people would stop being religious, and I think airing out their dirty laundry is a great way to start. But that’s just my opinion, and we don’t have to agree to read the Quran together.

    As for putting things in context, I’m not sure what you mean. It’s not just the Skeptics Annotated Quran that’s confusing — it’s the Quran itself. For starters, this book is not in chronological order. It was pieced together years after Mohammed’s death, and organized according to surah length: longest chapters up front, shortest in the back. It’s incredibly hard to follow and confusing.

    There is no real “underlying story” like normal books have, no cohesive thread that holds it all together. Chapter 2 is a great example. It doesn’t just talk about the cow or women or Moses. You have maybe 6 verses tied together with some sort of semi-coherent story line, and then it’ll switch to something completely different for 4 lines, and then another 8 or 10 dealing with something else. And it goes on for 286 verses like that.

    I think if you really want a theme to help you understand it, it’s this: obey God 110% or he will fuck you up.

    kafirgirl

    July 12, 2008 at 2:19 pm

  18. I eventually did work up the nerve to try pork. I loved it. Not just because it was my way of saying “fuck you” to the invisible man in the sky, but because I thought it was actually good, and oddly enough, it’s become one of my favorite foods.

    The culture that I was raised in holds snails to be disgusting. I’ve had escargot once, and objectively speaking, it was okay; no worse than calamari. And yet snails still seem icky to me. Evidently food-related ick is rather deeply ingrained.

    So I’m somewhat surprised that at what you say. I certainly wouldn’t hold it against you if you found pork to be revolting because you were raised that way.

    arensb

    July 12, 2008 at 6:01 pm

  19. Hey arensb. Trust me, nobody was more surprised than I was when I enjoyed pork. I think it’s because I started with bacon first, and for some reason, it didn’t seem “meat” to me. It looked exactly like the turkey bacon I usually got but it smelled better. It took me another few months before I tried pork chops, and that’s all I’ve ever actually tried.

    You’re right though — food-related ick is definitely deeply ingrained. I mean, it took years of living with a pork-eating man before I even had the slightest curiosity about it.

    kafirgirl

    July 12, 2008 at 8:05 pm

  20. I became atheist after the birth of my oldest kid and your blog is cracking me up!

    geniusofevil

    July 13, 2008 at 2:15 am

  21. Hi geniusofevil, thank you so much. Glad you’re enjoying it.

    kafirgirl

    July 13, 2008 at 3:44 am

  22. Hi, there. I am a Pakistani (Punjabi) male (25), I would define myself as a ratonalist or a “free thinker” I would not go as far as to call myself an “atheist” I just don’t agree with the definition of the term.

    I find your “deconversion” story very interesting. As I can relate to it. I had to go to the mosque every-single day. And read something which I had no comprehension of, as it was in a language I did not understand. I also thought about the predestination and free-will argument. I realized god was logically incompatible, as defined by the teachings of my faith. If god was “omnipotent”, “omniscient”and “omnibenevolent” then there was a contradiction, he can be one of the three or two of the three, but never all three of them.

    Well lets see… You could argue, if god was omniscient then he contradicts free will therefore he is all knowing and we don’t have free will or he is not all knowing and we do have free will. Well, in my opinion, you don’t have free will, its an illusion. Free in the concept of free-will is “unlimited” which would be unlimited will. However, in reality this is untrue. You cannot have unlimited free will. The handicap of being dead is not having the ability to move thus, its a limitation, not being able to have conscious control of every atom in your body once more proves in reality you do not have free will moreover, you could also use ‘determinism’ to argue this case further. Anyway I digress…

    I just wanted to say I am in fact a cultrual Muslim I embrace the cultrual aspects of my faith in fact as a form of meditation I do in fact “pray” my wife is a Muslim she is a observant Muslim and we get along fine. I don’t have a reason to attack the Qur’an, or help others attack it. I don’t see a point to attacking Islam. And I am really not very found of ex Muslim who go around doing this and exaggerating things of their former faith. Just because one has abrogated a previous belief he or she held does not necessarily mean one has to attack the previous belief. The quran also says don’t do drink and drugs one does not have to do these things for the reason that they don’t ascribe to a previous belief held. Seems rather illogical to me. I would not eat pork as I find its texture disgusting. I do drink on the other hand I did that even while I believed in a god.

    One last point, anyone who thinks in terms of right and wrong, good and bad, evil vs good is a idoit. These are just cultrual/religious/social archetypes. It only proves you have a limited intellect as its a dualistic mind-set.

    I guess you can take the boy out of Islam, but you can’t take the Islam out of the boy. lol.

    Regards,
    Sammad.

    Sammad

    July 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm

  23. Hi Sammad.

    Your thoughts on free will remind me of one particular episode of a certain atheist podcast I listen to. I’ll leave it at that.

    I know plenty of “cultural” Muslims. They’re deists more than anything else, but for some reason, they can’t part with the Muslim label. I don’t see a point in that, but whatever, old habits die hard and all.

    You don’t have a reason to attack the Quran and you don’t see the point to attack Islam? Congratulations. I do, on both counts. And seeing as how it’s my blog, I think I’ll continue to do so. Feel free not to read.

    Out of everything you wrote, this was the gem:

    Just because one has abrogated a previous belief he or she held does not necessarily mean one has to attack the previous belief.

    This is precisely what’s wrong with you fucking Muslims. Even you fucking “cultural” Muslims. You can’t talk about it. You can’t let anyone else talk about it. You’ll happily live in the fucking dark ages until the rest of us drag you out, kicking and screaming. And we will. It’s only a matter of time.

    If I was taught that the sky is red, and I grew up thinking the sky is red, until one day I discovered that the sky is not red, it’s blue, I would fucking tell everyone I know. I would want to make sure they weren’t lied to and cheated out of the truth. That is why I started the site, and I stand by my decision to do so.

    The quran also says don’t do drink and drugs one does not have to do these things for the reason that they don’t ascribe to a previous belief held. Seems rather illogical to me. I would not eat pork as I find its texture disgusting. I do drink on the other hand I did that even while I believed in a god.

    OK, that is so fucking stupid, I don’t even know where to start. Using your logic, I shouldn’t even be reading the Quran, because I’ve decided that what’s in it is a pile of horseshit — I don’t believe in it, and the Quran tells me I should read it, therefor I shouldn’t. Again, lets pretend I was taught that the sky is red. And then I read that the sky is blue. I’m not going to say, “OK, I guess it’s blue,” without going outside, tilting my fucking head up, and seeing for myself! THAT would be illogical!

    Everything I write on here is my reaction to what I’m reading, which not everyone will agree with. In fact, if everyone agreed with everything I wrote, something would be seriously wrong. I don’t argue that I have limited intellect in general. I’m not the smartest person I know. I’m not even half as smart as the smartest person I know. But, shit, that doesn’t stop me from trying. And lets face it, I make it entertaining.

    kafirgirl

    July 13, 2008 at 2:31 pm

  24. Lovin’ you blog! :O)

    I myself am not an atheist nor am i an ex muslim Im an ex christian who has been a theistic Satanist for 4 years. I love to see people challenging popular relgious belief. It takes so much inner strength to say a big fuck you to what you previously were told to belive. I’m so pleased that you are living your life the way YOU want to now. Don’t let anyone say to you that your beliefs are wrong. Your beliefs are right for you and that is all that matters.

    I’ll keep reading you blog and post once in a while. If that’s ok? :O)

    Vegan4satan

    July 13, 2008 at 5:33 pm

  25. Awesome blog, I’ve never read the Quran and now that I see it it seems pretty identical to the Bible, minus the Jesus is son of God part, and it doesn’t seem like the Satanic book that fundie Christians make it out to be. I used to go to a private Christian school and they would never admit that Allah is just another word for the same God and said that Allah is a moon god and not the Jewish and Christian god.

    I like your de-conversion story too, it’s not very similar to mine though. I stopped believing in God when I was 12 or 13, partly because everyone in church was a hypocritical asshole and partly when I realized that I was trying to find loopholes in “god’s word” so I could do what I wanted, and might as well drop the whole faith thing anyway (stupid reasoning I know, but hey, I’m pretty sure everyone was like that when they were younger) . Later after I “grew up” mentally I found that there’s really no good evidence for the existence of any deities and never went back to believing.

    Anyway keep blogging, you’re a great writer.

    Scott

    July 14, 2008 at 9:12 am

  26. Hi Vegan! Can’t say I’ve ever met a theistic Satanist before. Welcome, and thanks for reading. I’ll have to check out your site when I get a moment.

    Heya Scott. Thanks so much. I’ve never really read the Bible much either, but I have read a lot of the LOLcat Bible. (Can someone please do this the the Quran? Please? God is so much brattier in it!) I’ve never heard of the moon god thing — that’s pretty fucked up and hilarious. Meanwhile on the other side the Muslims are desperately going, “No no we’re your brothers! We loooooove you…even though you’re going to hell.” I think my little brother is going through the same thing you went through as a kid — trying to justify things he wants to do, and he’s getting to the point where he’s realizing that these things are not an abomination. They’re just part of normal teenage behavior. One of these days, his reasoning skills will kick it up a notch and he’ll come over to the dark side.

    kafirgirl

    July 14, 2008 at 11:43 am

  27. Right said kafir girl.
    Insulting a faith is not same as insulting people or being intolerant. In fact, it is necessary that faiths such as islam, that are indoctrinated into people, be attacked a manner even harsher. And besides kafir girl is not attacking it as such, she is as curious as any other rational person as to why this is so deeply ingrained in people and how it is possible to regard the quran as divine, and as a person reading the quran with her, I think it is important to read it and tell the people that the sky is blue indeed.
    And Sammad you are nothing but a victim of the faith that you so dearly are defending, many of your kin had probably died because of the onslaught of Islam which you are trying to defend.

    Another Kafir

    July 14, 2008 at 4:24 pm

  28. Kafir Girl,

    Awesome, awesome site. I’ll definitely be checking back to see the progress; after 19 years of (wasted) catechism, I owe it to myself to actually enjoy some dogmatic readings.

    And your writing is stellar; you could bring life to a VCR manual.

    Sarah

    July 14, 2008 at 5:42 pm

  29. Hi Sarah. Funny you should mention that. It feels like reading a VCR manual while living in a DVD / Blu-ray era. But I guess we could say that about the Old and New Testaments, too. Thanks for reading. High five!

    kafirgirl

    July 14, 2008 at 6:33 pm

  30. I have read a lot of the LOLcat Bible. (Can someone please do this the the Quran?

    You mean the book dictated by LOLlah (catnaps be unto him)?

    arensb

    July 14, 2008 at 6:50 pm

  31. I love this blog and have added it to my blogroll. It’s wonderful to read reflections from a woman brought up in a religious tradition so totally different from my own (evangelical Christianity). Most of my blog posts deal with my issues with Christianity, American politics, and so on, so it’s good for me to have an intelligent source where I can read about Islam. Thanks.

    the chaplain

    July 19, 2008 at 6:24 pm

  32. Hey! Another Paki atheist – you’re going on my apostate blogroll.

    It’s interesting that most ex-Muslims one hears about tend to be Pakis.

    apostate

    July 19, 2008 at 10:23 pm

  33. Hi Chaplain! It’s funny how so many of us come from totally different backgrounds, and still find that deep down, at the root of it all, all the religions have the same basic problems. Most of the blogs I read deal with Christianity, but I find myself nodding along, because I can totally relate most things back to Islam. Anyway, glad you’re enjoying it so far. I’ll have to check out your blog, too.

    Hi Apostate. I’m a huuuuge fan of your blog. Thanks for adding me to your apostate blogroll!

    kafirgirl

    July 20, 2008 at 3:36 pm

  34. Right, we’re not attacking our communities as Pakistanis, we’re standing up for our people who been getting slapped down by the mullaochracy for centuries. People like me, I said i am not Muslim, never told I am not proud to be Pakistani. Being proud to be Pakistani means i got to be a secularist and a feminist, and yes, an anti fascist in the UK. Nothing has done Pakistani communities a greater disservice in the UK than Islamism- which, isn’t even Pakistani- it came from the khalij, persecution of Ahmadis in Pakistan- from the khalij, Islamism is alien to Pakistan historically and fundamentlaism is the utter degeneration of the Pakistani state.
    Ironic then to think that as apostates, we are anything other than Pakistani patriots.
    PAKISTAN ZINDABAD!

    jasmine

    July 21, 2008 at 4:42 am

  35. Getting your feed. Looking forward to it.

    HJ

    Bing McGhandi

    July 21, 2008 at 2:16 pm

  36. Thanks Bing! Your blog’s name always cracked me up, by the way.

    kafirgirl

    July 21, 2008 at 8:24 pm

  37. You should to see the blog. Not as many pancakes as you would have thought!

    HJ

    Bing McGhandi

    July 21, 2008 at 11:41 pm

  38. http://www.indianexpress.com/story/339053.html

    “Ganganagar, July 22: In what is being suspected as an attempt by Pakistan to send a ‘spy’ across the border, a Pakistani national claiming to be a doctor who felt “ideologically suffocated” in his own country has been nabbed after he crossed over to Indian territory on July 13 near Hindumalkot in Ganganagar district of Rajasthan.

    On seeing the BSF soldiers, police claimed, he took off his white shirt, started waiving it in the air and shouted: “Help!” But 10 days after the incident, the authorities are still sceptical.”

    Highly placed sources told The Indian Express that to authenticate his claims of being a doctor, Jameel was questioned by civil doctors as well as military doctors to check whether he was really a medical professional.

    ““Yes, he was grilled by doctors. But, he answered all the queries to their satisfaction,” revealed Ganganagar Additional SP CID Ram Gopal Vishnu, who was among the officers who conducted the joint interrogation on Jameel. Vishnu added, however, that Jameel’s claims of “ideological suffocation” were difficult to buy, even though the illegal alien insisted that he had shunned Islam to become an atheist. ”

    SUPER-MORONIC INDIAN BUREAUCRACY. BUT THEY HAVE A GENUINE PROBLEM TOO. HIS PAKISTANI BACKGROUND AND ISLAMIC TAQIYYA ARE PROBLEMS.

    Anand

    July 23, 2008 at 12:13 am

  39. I had “reading the Qu’ran” on my TO DO list. Then I heard about your site from the Non-Prophets. Came to the site and read a bunch…now I really want to read the Qu’ran! It’s WAY worse than I thought. I did this with the Christian bible (King James Version) when I was 13 and figured out that god was a woman-hating, hypocritical, bigoted ass-wipe bastard. That was pretty much it for me and God/J.C. I had so much fun with that, I’m really looking forward to fresh meat!
    Thanks, KafirGirl!

    Dorathea

    July 24, 2008 at 6:37 pm

  40. Hey Kafirgirl, loving your blog and your wonderfully hilarious writing. You asked for deconversion story so here it is.

    Most of my childhood was boring. Up to the age of 9 my family was rich, and on the surface everyone was always religious but they would say shit like being angry is against islam and then proceed to go ape-shit at the slightest provocation and beat up my brother….you know the stereotypical pakistani bullshit.

    Anyway, I hated almost everyone in my family but it had been carved into my mind that being religious is a good thing and because I saw the blatant contradictions and general absurdities my reaction was that they werent religious enough. I set out to be an example and that was the reason I was still a muslim until I was almost 20.

    Long story short I came to Canada did well in highschool and avoided religious discussion because all the people who I had seen preaching were full of shit (my Quran tutor stole my dad`s watch and never showed up again) and I didnt want to be associated with them. I went into university and met my first obstacle. A friend asked me why I believed in God. I skillfully dodged the question with the standard its-a-personal-belief but the scars from that stung. I hate not being able to answer a question and I especially hated this time because I should have known the answer. Unfortunately, I was still too stubborn to question my beliefs.

    After first year I got a co-op position in research. My employer was…well… a genius. She hated me almost from the first day because I often had difficulty grasping many concepts not because I was stupid but because I was mentally lazy. I am sure this is where I learned critical thinking and this is where I understood for the first time how difficult it is to really know something. To really understand how even the simplest looking things actually work. I was working with cantilevers, one of the simplest mechanical structures, and the work done to understand and model them for a real world scenario is so intense I cannot easily summarize. I think I finally understood Feynman when he said: “I know how hard it is to get to really know something; how careful you have to be about checking the experiments; how easy it is to make mistakes and fool yourself. I know what it means to know something.” Reaching this point was where I realized my religious beliefs were simply stupid. I didnt know anything and it was foolish to claim so because by doing that I was just as full of shit as those I hated.I tried to use the internet to defend my faith but it didnt fare well.

    Anyway, shortly after this happened, school ended and I went back home and received the news that my grandfather was dying. I had barely ever known him but it was still a big loss and it made me a bit emotionally sensitive. My family reacted to the news as expected by flamboyant displays of fervent fake religiosity. It was that day that I began to hate religion in general. I decided I would call myself an atheist and an apostate not an agnostic because it offended them more and I truly hated them for disgracing someone I loved with their bullshit.

    PS. My employer had never brought up religion and even now I have no idea what she believes….also she eventually loved me when I…you know…stopped being an idiot

    Abdullah

    July 24, 2008 at 9:44 pm

  41. Hi Kafirgirl,

    Found your website through The Apostate and I am hooked. I’m American but married to an Iranian who moved to the states at 16 and is thoroughly frustrated by Islam in general and the Islamic Republic of Iran in particular and now renounces all religion totally because “it makes people crazy”. I was raised by atheists so if he had been a practicing or devout Muslim we would never have married.

    We talk a lot about religion because our backgrounds are so different and also because his devout mother is now visiting us every summer so I’m trying to understand more and be respectful. (She’s very sweet and nice and so far hasn’t told me off for drinking wine or not praying – that may come later!)

    Your blog gives me another perspective and your writing is funny and frank, my two favorite qualities! Your bit about why you couldn’t eat pork made me laugh out loud & also reminded me of my husband who did a similar thing years ago but still can only eat pork that is “disguised” in pepperoni or sausage or something. He may someday eat a porkchop but I won’t give him a hard time about it seeing that I wouldn’t ever be able to eat dog-meat due to my upbringing!

    Anyway, LOVE your blog and I’m looking forward to reading more!

    Katy

    July 27, 2008 at 8:00 pm

  42. Hi Katy! Funny, I’m an ex-Muslim married to an American boy (Whitey McGee, I like to call him). He’s an atheist, too, but we also end up discussing religion a lot. Like you and your husband, our backgrounds are really, really different. Makes for interesting conversations…that usually end up with a headache and a “What the fuck is wrong with these people?!”

    Pepperoni and sausage are a-OK in my book too. It’s funny how the processed meats are the least offensive. I actually almost got ribs at the grocery store today, but I hesitated long enough to change my mind. I’m working on it…one cut of meat at a time.

    Glad you’re enjoying the blog so far. Thanks for reading.

    kafirgirl

    July 27, 2008 at 10:06 pm

  43. KG: just found your blog. love it. shades of The Religious Policeman. goodonya.

    Saltation

    July 29, 2008 at 4:52 pm

  44. Thanks Saltation! I’ll have to check out that blog. Sounds interesting.

    kafirgirl

    July 29, 2008 at 6:11 pm

  45. I just found the deconversion story, got a lil caught up with the other posts I suppose…

    My family is like that, suppose the UK and American Pakistani Sunni Muslims are not that different.

    I went through a similar experience, became an agnostic, thought their “HAD” to be a god, and then became an iron clad Atheist mostly through philosophy then theology.

    I can’t eat pork though, I can’t even admit it smells good..I literally want to throw up when I smell sausages or bacon fried up in the halls..I want to eat it, but I just can never bring myself to being in the same room as cooked pork because I just feel my stomach gettting ready. At first I didn’t understand why it was this bad, but then remembered what my parents taught me about alcohol and pork.

    Alcohol = piss
    Pork = shit

    For a long time in my youth I actually believed it, it was in science classes in secondary school where I was taught about fermentation and realised what alcohol was, but when it came to pork I still had the idea shit in my head. I think that’s what’s going on…By the way..Do pigs eat shit?? Just asking…:|

    Humra

    July 30, 2008 at 5:59 am

  46. Humra, my parents always told me that pork gives you all kinds of diseases and parasites. Turns out so can bad seafood, undercooked beef and chicken, and, hell, even spinach, tomatoes and jalapenos.

    When left to their own devices, pigs are actually clean animals. They make a toilet area far away from their eating area. They are omnivores, so they’ll eat just about anything.

    Incidentally, my parents told me that pigs eat their own shit, too. I don’t know if they do or not — anyone else know? Regardless, when I found out how manure works, and realized that pretty much every vegetable I eat grew up, literally, on shit, it kind of killed that for me. I also watched goats eat their own shit one summer back in Pakistan, and that didn’t stop anyone from eating mutton.

    It could explain why Muslims also find dogs unclean. One of my neighbor’s dog would come over and make a beeline straight for the cat’s litter box. Apparently cat shit is like tootsie rolls to dogs.

    Anyway, to make a long answer even longer, you might find this interesting: I just finished reading “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and one of the farmers explains how the pigs love getting drunk. All winter long, he’ll throw leftover corn and hay into the cow pen, and the cows will shit on it. The hay and poop start to compost, and bits of the corn ferments and becomes alcoholic. Then at the end of the winter, he’ll let the pigs loose in the compost pile, and they’ll root through all of what used to be shit and hay and corn to find little pockets of alcohol. They’ll toss and turn everything, which mixes up the compost, and the farmer uses that compost as soil for his next batch of crops.

    “As happy as a pig in shit.” That’s where that saying comes from. They’re in there getting drunk.

    It’s OK that you don’t feel like you can eat pork. I certainly can’t fault you for that. It’s one of those things that’s just deeply ingrained. But it might help to learn as much as you can about them, even if it just means that you find good reasons for your revulsion.

    One of the things that really helped me was to visit a friend who lives on a working farm. It made me realize that all of those animals are pretty fucking gross when compared to my own standards of hygiene. But I realize that not everyone knows someone who grew up on a farm.

    kafirgirl

    July 30, 2008 at 8:07 am

  47. I am going through the same stuff you went through. I am also blogging about my quest for the truth. Please read my blog and help me on my quest. Thank you!

    stublast

    July 30, 2008 at 11:07 am

  48. I grew up afraid of pigs cos i got told that they eat little piglets and have a special disease, “trychonosis.” Bizarrely, i also got taught that pigs harbor jiin. Worse, there was a quote i always remember, “People who eat pigs, act like pigs.” This stuff sticks in ure mind and frankly, u used to have this special thing as a Muslima where i would rationalize me behaviour by saying, “I got some unconventional sexual attractions, but hey, bad stuff like eating pork, no way.”

    jasmine

    July 30, 2008 at 2:10 pm

  49. er sorry, i got me personal pronouns mixed up, the u should be a I (but then Allah does the same often enough).

    jasmine

    July 30, 2008 at 2:12 pm

  50. oh what the hell, kafira won’t mind, i remember this blazing row with me uncle in Karachi when i told i wanted out and to go back to UK and u know what he bellowed now i remember, “The way ure going u’ll end up marrying some gora pig farmer.”
    He just had to be a pig farmer.

    jasmine

    July 30, 2008 at 2:15 pm

  51. APG, that’s fucked up. And hilarious. A pig farmer? Seriously?

    I have a question for you that’s really none of my damn business, so don’t feel obligated to answer. You’ve kind of insinuated that you’re a lesbian (unless I totally misread a couple of your posts). I was just wondering how your family reacted to that. I imagine, if they know at all, that they weren’t delighted.

    I ask because one of my dearest friends is a gay Muslim who isn’t out to his parents. You don’t really hear about many Muslims who are out to their family.

    kafirgirl

    July 30, 2008 at 9:24 pm

  52. Stublast, I’ll definitely check out your blog. Feel free to add it to the open links post, too, so others can go check it out.

    kafirgirl

    July 30, 2008 at 9:25 pm

  53. Kaffir Girl…You rock
    But one thing…When speaking about Islam can you use ‘Allah’ instead of ‘God’

    pagan

    July 31, 2008 at 5:17 am

  54. Hi Pagan. Do you mind if I ask why? Allah is just Arabic for The God, and it’s talking about the same God that Christians and Jews believe in.

    kafirgirl

    July 31, 2008 at 7:49 am

  55. Kafir Girl, it’s ok u can ask whatever u want cos me story is well known. I was in a relationship with another Pakistani girl for many years, this is same girl who helped me after me age 15 crack up. And when I got to UK in 1999 i waited for 2 long years till me friend came also, and we got reunited. And from that point on, age 20, we was both u know..
    Anyhow, it’s 2004 and me family sort of “know” but don’t know, if u get me idea (or maybe don’t want to know), but anyhow. We got outed at a wedding in London and then all hell broke loose. What happened is pretty dramatic, we got dragged apart, i got locked in the bathroom- then as me mum is howling me dad and brothers cut me hair. I got three fingers on me right hand busted in the ensuing fight, but me friend got worse even. Then we got allowed to meet for the last time, under supervision, me friend got put on the PIA flight (without me knowing) and she’s been in DI Khan ever since. Me, i got allowed to go back to me job in Boots the Pharamacy at Heathrow after i got patched, only as soon as i found at me friend got sent to PK by force i had a bad bad shut down and suffered mental collapse- on the job. That’s when i took me overdose in the toilets cos i couldn’t take it no more. It’s like that Kaifr Girl, u know, i am now in a third country- not UK and not PK, in a place with relatives where control of me behavior is TOTAL, cos like me family, i mean they got a lousy view of me, if its bad… like heroin or girls or anything- they think i do it, so here i am in rehab. Sorry to go on and stuff Kafira, good thing we’re in the decon ward anyhow.

    jasmine

    July 31, 2008 at 10:10 am

  56. lah is god, al just means the, as in ‘the god’.

    jasmine

    July 31, 2008 at 10:12 am

  57. Kafira, sorry, about ure friend, he can try “Al Fatiha,” or a great UK group with Rahseeda called “IMAAN.”

    jasmine

    July 31, 2008 at 10:13 am

  58. @ apostatepakistangirl

    hey im so sorry to hear abt wat happened to you.
    all my sympathies are wid u but why didnt u call for any help when u got caught.

    Paki

    July 31, 2008 at 12:14 pm

  59. Fuck. APG, I’m so, so sorry that happened to you. I’m at a loss for words. What you’ve been through — I can’t even begin to imagine. You’re a really brave person. Geez. I’m getting all choked up. It’s beyond my comprehension how any human being could treat another human being like that. And all based on something that doesn’t even affect them. At all.

    Paki, I guess the question is who she would call out to help for. Especially when she’s locked up in a bathroom and getting the shit beaten out of her.

    kafirgirl

    July 31, 2008 at 12:27 pm

  60. Well i been under 3 protection orders cos me dad’s relatives in UK cant come near me, but at the exact time when i was in that situation, not much i could do.And me friend, she’s not like me, i’m just 5ft, she’s tall, well built, knows how to look after herself, nothing she could do either.
    Even when i got sent to Pakistan, PIA flight crew was totally complicit to be honest, that’s why PIA gets chosen, cos British Airways, no way, the inflight crew are on watch for people like me and me friend, they’ll just refuse to fly if they see one of us drugged up and just sitting there zombified with three male guardians.
    Me mum tried to help me. She was the only one.
    Ok everyone, i am going to be off line for about 5 days cos i got to attend a walima and stuff in the country where i am staying (being kept) so i thank everyone for their frienship and patience, and this blog, like al apostate’s- it’s been a real comfort to me.
    bye bye everyone!!!

    jasmine

    July 31, 2008 at 1:03 pm

  61. *sad sigh*
    APG i dun really have the words…. but i think it has more to do wid highly male dominant society rather than religion.
    i’m sure if it wud have been two guys rather thn girls, it wudnt even have mattered.

    Paki

    July 31, 2008 at 4:13 pm

  62. “Worse, there was a quote i always remember, “People who eat pigs, act like pigs.” ”

    (This quote is of Dr. Zakir Naik-apreacher from India. http://www.irf.net. Ashamed that he is a fellow-Indian.)

    Applying the same logic what ppl shud eat to behave like human beings?

    Anand

    August 1, 2008 at 8:42 am

  63. Oh mah gah! Dr. Zakir Naik wants us to be cannibals!

    kafirgirl

    August 1, 2008 at 9:04 am

  64. “People who eat pigs, act like pigs.”

    Dr Naik really needs to update his logic database..
    It’s funny how many muslims actually use that little phrase when talking about eating pigs..

    Humra

    August 1, 2008 at 4:14 pm

  65. To APG:
    I’m sorry about the bad things that happened. Are you and your friend UK citizens? Can you use your internet access to get the UK authorities to act on your behalf? Is DI Khan a hospital?

    Note on pigs:
    Actually pigs are quite intelligent and fun. It’s a shame they’re made of meat. I wonder how much of the original fear of dogs and pigs was because they are both intelligent social animals that can be quite threatening to humans in natural situations.

    Oz

    August 5, 2008 at 1:58 am

  66. Oz, I wonder that about dogs, too. I wonder if people keep dogs as pets in societies where eating dog meat is acceptable. I did look that up once, but the first page I opened up had some really disturbing images, and I couldn’t look.

    kafirgirl

    August 5, 2008 at 8:08 am

  67. DI Khan is a city in North West Frontier Province, Pakistan.
    Bomb explosions, targeted killings and other violent acts are a normal routine in the city.
    The city has lost professors, doctors, engineers and prominent businessmen because of the day-to-day targeted killings.

    Paki

    August 5, 2008 at 8:14 am

  68. Thanks, Paki. Wow. Sounds like a terrifying place to live. Hope you’re not there.

    kafirgirl

    August 5, 2008 at 8:24 am

  69. Hi all, I’m back, i got through it all, but feel i need to check in the decon ward once more.
    Kafira, i will e.mail u about something….

    jasmine

    August 5, 2008 at 12:24 pm

  70. Hey APG.. I am sorry. I just read about all the shit that happened to you. Fuck. I am truly sorry and you are one brave girl. seriously. keep up the fight.

    Shashi

    August 6, 2008 at 5:58 pm

  71. Hey,

    I’ve been reading your blog for some time now, and I got to say, it’s been a very enjoyable read. I’ve been trying to read the Koran myself, but its so dam boring, I’d sooner let an old man dangle his wrinkly gentlemen’s bits on my face. I admire your determination to get through the pages of the Koran that seem to trigger nothing but a series of depressing sighs. Well at least there’s a lot of comic material for your blog.

    I was a Muslim dude myself until a couple of years ago, when I decided to “unfuck” myself from Islam as it continually pounded me up the arse for a good number of years. I sort of had to pull out, turn around and say: “OI! Islam… NO!! Stop it!” whilst giving it a stern wag of my finger. Although I haven’t quite come out of the closet about it with my family yet, not before I move out of the house anyway, because the last thing I want is my insane mother calling over the local imam to perform some sort of exorcist or whatever it is they do. Wait… I think Muslim apostates get the death penalty, and then get thrown in Hell for eternity… how nice. I guess I’ll see you there.

    Keep up the good work.

    Ibrahim, God’s fuck buddy.

    fatiboombati

    August 11, 2008 at 7:47 am

  72. Heya Ibrahim! I can totally understand not coming out of the closet. I haven’t actually straight up said it to my parents either. It’s one of those things where they pretty much know, but are in denial about. Good enough for me!

    So what made you rethink religion? What led to your own deconversion? (Aside from the asspounding, I mean.)

    kafirgirl

    August 11, 2008 at 9:08 am

  73. What a great site you’ve set up! I have a kind of similar story to yours where, at 16, I felt like I was hearing so much shit that I decided to pick up a Bible and read it from the beginning to figure exactly what the heck was going on. I realized it was bullshit when I read this: “…and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart [is] evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done.” That is God’s response to the Flood that He created in Genesis. It sounded way too much like regret to me and it just didn’t make sense that an infallible being could express regret at his own actions.

    Anyway, I can’t wait to read more of your take on the Quran! You have a really great voice!

    I Need a Name

    August 11, 2008 at 7:55 pm

  74. Hiya I Need a Name! Such un-godlike behavior for God, huh? Did you ever finish the Bible? I believe I’ll be reading the OT after I’m done with the Quran (but I won’t be blogging my way through it, because i would seriously kill myself).

    kafirgirl

    August 11, 2008 at 9:52 pm

  75. OR maybe regret IS godlike and all Christians are wrong about him being infallible!

    I never did finish the Bible; finals and other scholarly obligations got in the way at the time. I have read a good deal more of it than I ever thought I would, though, having spent 5 years in various private Christian schools.

    I Need a Name

    August 12, 2008 at 4:28 pm

  76. KG, I didn’t know where to post this, but thought it might interest you. I recently started using Google Reader, which is a web-based RSS reader. Since it is web-based, there is a Trends section and you can see how many people are subscribed (using Google Reader) to the same feeds as you, but you can’t identify those people, of course. Your main site, as of my writing this, had 214 subscribers using it, but only 3 are subscribing to the comments. I don’t know if this means people are only interested in your posts (understandable) or don’t know about the comments RSS feed. Google Reader cannot show you stats for other RSS readers, of course. Maybe you could advertise the comments feed a bit better or something, though?

    Michael

    August 13, 2008 at 8:32 am

  77. Welcome to my mind, KafirGirl! I have just discovered you through the Bacon-Eating Atheist Jew, a longtime favorite blogger of mine.

    This is an ambitious task you have set for yourself and I look forward to starting at the beginning and going on with you. I’ve read most of my Hebrew Bible as an atheist now, and it surely does change one’s perspective.

    I should mention that I grew up in the so-called “Modern Orthodox” movement and started gradually and painlessly to lose my faith within a couple of years of my Bar-Mitzvah ceremony. I am a fifty-three-tear-old man today.

    Carry on!

    El Judio Bravo

    August 14, 2008 at 4:42 pm

  78. Michael, your comment got lost in the fray. Thanks for letting me know! I’ll mention it in the week in review tomorrow.

    Hi El Judio Bravo, The Atheist Jew is fantastic, isn’t he? I’ve been hooked on his site myself. You’ve read most of the Hebrew Bible? I seriously hope I can say that someday. If I survive reading the Quran, I want to work my way through all the so-called holy books. Anyway, hope you’ll jump in and comment often — I don’t know a whole lot about Judaism and it’s been fantastic learning so much from the Jewish atheists on this site. And the former Christians, too. Thanks for reading, and I hope you’re enjoying it so far!

    kafirgirl

    August 14, 2008 at 4:50 pm

  79. I love your blog! It is an inspiration to me as I chronicle my deconversion from Christianity.

    ATL-Apostate

    August 16, 2008 at 2:45 pm

  80. Truly inspirational.

    I spread your fame:

    http://www.skepticforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=30&t=10138

    Abdul Alhazred

    August 16, 2008 at 4:26 pm

  81. ATL, thanks! I’ll definitely check out your blog. I love a good deconversion story.

    Abdul Alhazred, thank you so much for helping spread the word. You rock.

    kafirgirl

    August 17, 2008 at 2:21 am

  82. Hey KG,

    Whats that stuff in arabic in your site?

    Another Kafir

    August 18, 2008 at 1:57 am

  83. AK, you mean the icon right above the A? It says Kafir.

    kafirgirl

    August 18, 2008 at 10:29 am

  84. coolio.. know where i can get my name or other things in the script?

    Another Kafir

    August 18, 2008 at 11:50 am

  85. Hi Kafir Girl,

    Good luck…

    I’ve read the Koran a few times, mostly because I like to go to ‘first sources’ to understand issues. Quotation has become more of an art of deception than a means of citation, I’ve followed many so-called “quotes” back to the original author and found the citation was used to prove issues the original author was attempting to DISprove (talk about fraud!).

    That said, I’ve read the Koran a few times as once isn’t enough unless you are extremely attentive (too wordy for me, I found myself drifting at times so I read it again, each time I find something new)

    It is extremely eye opening and fascinating, especially when read and compared with the books of the other major monotheistic religions (many of the stories of the Koran are similar to Old Testament, but Koran is alone in the sheer number and clarity of COMMANDS for humans to KILL THE UNBELIEVER).

    Much luck,
    Come visit us at http://wingless.aoriginality.com

    winglessblog

    August 19, 2008 at 4:42 pm

  86. Dear KafirGirl,
    reading your deconversion story was like reading the story of my life. I too am a Pakistani ex-muslim in a very similar situation to you. My family moved to Canada when I was a baby. Like you, I grew up in a moderate muslim family who tried to combat secular Canadian society and instil religion into me by sending me to Islamic school every Sunday. After reading your story, I feel that I have a special kinship to you. You have no idea how happy I am to find someone with enough intellect and moxy to take on the muslim world. I have become a huge fan and look forward to your future posts.

    Best of luck

    Randomness

    August 24, 2008 at 2:34 am

  87. AK, no idea. That was a pre-made JPEG. I’m pretty sure you can download a font or something.

    Hey Randomness, didn’t catch your post till just now. High five to being an ex-Muslim! Hope you keep reading and please jump in with your take on things whenever you feel like it!

    kafirgirl

    August 25, 2008 at 7:15 pm

  88. Heyhey,

    What does it mean that you “[…]learned to read (but not understand) Arabic [at your muslim sunday school]”? Did you learn the sound of the syllables? Can you now preach the koran in arabic without knowing what you say? What’s the point of that? Sounds as useless as preaching in latin. ;-)

    Thanks for reading

    P.S.: Sorry for not providing an e-mail-address, I just don’t see the point in that. I’ll read your reply here.

    some random atheist

    August 31, 2008 at 6:52 am

  89. SRA that’s exactly how it is. They didn’t teach us Arabic, they just taught us how to read the script. I don’t really see the point in it either, except that reading the Quran is not optional.

    You know how it’s OK for Christians to go to church and never read the Quran, but ithey’re still Christians? That’s not how it works in Islam. You have to read the Quran. In my family, it was a push to get it done ASAP, and I completed the entire thing in Arabic when I was around 6 — and that wasn’t even me actually reading the damn thing. My grandmother would read it and then i would repeat what she said. I parroted the Quran before I really even knew how to read. And they threw a party and everything. And THEN I had to learn to read Arabic.

    And about it being in Arabic, I think a lot of people have bought in to the apologetic that the Quran is at it “purest” when it’s in Arabic and that no amount of translation can live up to it. We get it all the time here. But instead of learning Arabic to understand the book — which I imagine is not an easy feat — a lot of non-Arabs will just learn to string the letters together phonetically so they can read the book in Arabic and then learn what it means through their families and imams and mullahs.

    I’ve never actually paused to consider this before, but I don’t know a single non-Arab Muslim who has actually learned to speak & understand Arabic. The whole thing just seems like an exercise in futility.

    kafirgirl

    August 31, 2008 at 10:17 am

  90. KG: I don’t know ANY Christians who read the Quran at church.

    Michael

    September 2, 2008 at 11:38 am

  91. Ahahaha! I meant Bible. Honestly, I meant Bible! …I got Quran on the brain, I guess. Smartass ;)

    kafirgirl

    September 2, 2008 at 1:50 pm

  92. Quran on the Brain …

    That’s not a good condition. (I know from experience.)

    Michael

    September 2, 2008 at 2:17 pm

  93. I learned about you from The Non-Prophets!

    I will be following your blog posts from now on. They’re amusing and entertaining!

    Diaphanus

    September 11, 2008 at 4:16 am

  94. The last posting was by Diaphanus. On Sept 11.

    And now a long ominous pause. Any reason?
    I was brought up in the Catholic Church and was an “altar boy”. So I know some about learning how to talk in a foreign language (latin) without understanding a word. Just going through the motions of piety.
    No I was not molested by the priests. But I was an ugly child. (Not like now)

    catshagger812

    September 18, 2008 at 8:25 am

  95. Wow, I have only really seriously considered deconversion and I didn’t know it was so big…your story pretty much mirrors mine.

    I am bookmarking your blog. You have a knack for great writing.

    G

    October 19, 2008 at 12:25 pm

  96. You have inspired me in so many ways.

    I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve been analysing the Ahmaddiyya Muslim community version of the Qur’an and I’ll be analysing it on my blog. It’s not in any way going to be what you’ve made your analysis, I don’t think I have the writing skill that you have.

    I have put you on my blog roll :)

    unislamic

    October 19, 2008 at 2:38 pm

  97. Nice.. keep up!

    sickscorpio

    October 30, 2008 at 7:51 pm

  98. Hey unislamic–how about a link to your blog?

    Catshagger; I was an altar boy. I used to practice working math problems while I recited the Apostle’s Creed, to see if I really had it down well enough to say it without thinking. Did you do that?

    If you taught a parrot to recite the quran, would it like go to heaven or something?

    watercat

    October 31, 2008 at 1:05 am

  99. Pork is glorious. I’m about to have porkchops for dinner!

    Just coming across your blog, and so far it’s great! Although I’m a little younger than you, it seems that we’ve had a lot of the same experiences and a similar upbringing.

    Looking forward to reading more!

    chickpea

    November 21, 2008 at 6:12 pm

  100. Hi,

    I’ve been reading your blog and I personally think that there is something wrong with your methods of scrutinizing the Quran. – You read it with the mindset to oppose it. Therefore, psycologically everything seems bad.

    Simple example. Depressed people will hate every moment of their life while happy people will love them. Its all a matter of mindset. Its all psychology.

    What I would suggest you is that to be more professional, when you read the quran, try some empathy and neutrality. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who wants to know rather than someone who wants to prove that the quran is all wrong. Dont even think of how messed-up your life was when you’re a muslim girl growing up. Cause technically, stupid things like reading the quran without understanding any of the words and so on are actually cultural things, not islamic at all. Your judgement will therefore be different if you’re somehow raised in a different family, in a different place, at a different time. So yeah, try neutrality. Ask questions but dont give them answers from the “kafir” side of you.

    I think that from the neutral perspective, the quran is a beautiful piece of art – even to an atheist. Take note that the quran is actually considered to be like poetry, especially during the arabic era of Muhammad. Considering that its vocabulary, grammar, definitions and so on are poetic – so dont expect official document style direct reference in point form, bolded and highlighted, like the constitution.

    So aside from being neutral, try being artistic as well. I hope that with these in mind, you would actually see the quran’s not bad at all. Oh well, thats just my two cents. Cheers!

    Bert

    December 16, 2008 at 12:57 pm

  101. […] Personally I’ve always thought this was one of Mohammad’s smarter edicts but then I guess it just depends on your vantage point. […]

  102. Hello sister, your story is almost similar to mine but the more I read Quran (in English) I come close to Islam. If you have any question regarding any verse or any topic of the holy Quran, please ask, I will try my best to answer. Good luck to you.

    muslima_sister

    January 24, 2009 at 1:24 pm


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