We read the Quran so you don’t have to.

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with 37 comments


Written by kafirgirl

July 14, 2008 at 2:11 pm

37 Responses

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  1. Howdy, really enjoing your site and what you are doing. I once considered doing the same thing you are except with the bible, but I discovered it has already been done many times and much better than what I could do.

    Anyway, just wanted to say, it is interesting reading about other cultures delusions for a change.


    July 27, 2008 at 12:58 am

  2. Hi Rowsdower, thank you so much. Glad you’re finding it interesting. It’s funny, because I grew up thinking that even though Islam didn’t make much sense, at least it wasn’t as batshitass crazy as Christianity. My mistake.


    July 27, 2008 at 10:41 am

  3. Congrats on getting so far with the Qu’ran, I can barely lift it up and read the translation after i read past the first couple of pages…*bore*

    But you’re outlook 0on it is real interesting and you come up with the questions we all ask ourselve when it comes to Islam (Well maybe ex-muslims). Hope to read more soon!

    Oh and I also thought that “even though Islam didn’t make much sense, at least it wasn’t as batshitass crazy as Christianity” too!


    July 27, 2008 at 4:25 pm

  4. Thanks Humra. The funny thing is, Christians think the same damn thing. “Christianity doesn’t make much sense, but at least it ain’t Islam!” Hey, you should share your deconversion story, if you’re up for it. It’s really interesting to hear where people are coming from.


    July 27, 2008 at 9:58 pm

  5. I thought something along those lines once when my parents told me Islam is perfect..I thought “don’t catholics think that their religion is perfect??” Then I ignored that thought thinking God would turn me into a donkey like he did with some other girl in Birmingham. I survived..

    My deconversion is very complicated. I was/am a very quiet shy girl and at the time had no friends or confidants or anyone to even talk to. I had been placed in a girls’ school and my brother at a boys’ school and even thought we were close we drifted apart and I became very lonely. I started to become delusional I suppose where I would pray to god/allah to make me feel better and etc…took a very long time for me to start to doubt whether there was even anything up there. I did stupid things to stop myself from feeling rejected, became suicidal and started to pray to god to just kill me. Obviously nothing happened.

    The first doubt is scary! You shake the idea from your head and try to ignore it, but when it’s placed in your head you have to wonder. Is there even a God? Why is the world such a horrible place? Why do people suffer if god is benevolent?

    I think Epicurus said it:

    Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
    Then he is not omnipotent.

    Is God able, but not willing?
    Then he is malevolent.

    Is God both able and willing?
    Then whence cometh evil?

    Is God neither able nor willing?
    Then why call him God?


    July 28, 2008 at 3:02 pm

  6. Hai to the extreme.
    Super site.

    Be wary of who you debate in RL with this though Kafir. If your US based, im sure the wost you will get is rejection by your muslimah. just bear in mind theres a lot of crazies out there.

    I noticed you havnt mentioned Gods use of indignation. He says “What!?” about every twentieth sentance, as if what he’s saying isnt perfectly sane. and follows it by something that only the most demented of the insane could say.

    Keep it up.
    Stay safe.


    July 28, 2008 at 10:37 pm

  7. You guys are angry.. you guys are crazy and you guys are silly . if you are so smart take up the challenge from Allah’s Book

    Produce Surah like this at least read these ayahs..

    Let us put those 2:23, 10:38, 11:13, 17:88, & 52:34 Q’uranic ayahs here for reference sake
    [quote]2:23: [size=19]وان كنتم في ريب مما نزلنا على عبدنا فاْتوا بسورة من مثله وادعوا شهداءكم من دون الله ان كنتم صادقي[/size]

    [i]And if you (Arab pagans, Jews, and Christians) are in doubt concerning that which We have sent down (i.e. the Quran) to Our slave (Muhammad Peace be upon him ), [color=red]then produce a Soorah (chapter) of the like thereof[/color] and call your witnesses (supporters and helpers) besides Allah, if you are truthful.[/i]

    10:38: [size=19]ام يقولون افتراه قل فاتوا بسورة مثله وادعوا من استطعتم من دون الله ان كنتم صادقين [/size]

    [i]Or do they say: “He (Muhammad SAW) has forged it?” Say: [color=red]”Bring then a Soorah (chapter) like unto it,[/color] and call upon whomsoever you can, besides Allah, if you are truthful!”[/i]

    11:13; {size=19] ام يقولون افتراه قل فاتوا بعشر سور مثله مفتريات وادعوا من استطعتم من دون الله ان كنتم صادقين [/size]

    [i]Or they say, “He (Prophet Muhammad SAW) forged it (the Quran).” Say:[color=red]”Bring you then ten forged Soorah (chapters) like unto it,[/color]and call whomsoever you can, other than Allah (to your help), if you speak the truth!”[/i]

    17:88: [/size=19]قل لئن اجتمعت الانس والجن على ان ياتوا بمثل هذا القران لاياتون بمثله ولو كان بعضهم لبعض ظهي[/size]

    [i]Say: “If the mankind and the jinns were together to [color=red]produce the like of this Quran, they could not produce the like thereof,[/color] even if they helped one another.”[/i]

    ‏52:34 فلياتوا بحديث مثله ان كانوا صادقين

    Any way I added a link to your board at


    where people discuss Q’uran.

    I will read you guys after you read all 114 chapters..



    July 31, 2008 at 6:23 am

  8. Yeezevee, I thought you were being serious, and then followed the link to the FFI board. You got me.

    I would say we’re definitely silly, but crazy and angry? Nah. I stand by what I said earlier: I think most people are turned off by Quran commentary / discussion because it’s boring. It’s how I’ve been an atheist for years without actually reading all that much about Islam. If it’s entertaining and conversational, people will actually read it.

    Anyway, thanks for the link. I hope you’ll come back and check out the site more.


    July 31, 2008 at 8:32 am

  9. Hi Kafirgirl,

    Just found your site through FFI and I love it. So awesome are your writings and ideas that I want to marry you. So marry me. :o)


    July 31, 2008 at 8:18 pm

  10. Shoeshiner, funny story. I actually met my husband, Kafir Boy, because he read some short stories I wrote and emailed me about meeting for coffee. What can I say? I made him laugh.


    July 31, 2008 at 8:31 pm

  11. That is awesome, lucky Kafir Boy got a great catch. Am really enjoying your analysis of the Koran. In fact, am attached to my computer whereas I should have been home by now. Oh well, reading one more post wont’ hurt.

    Keep up the GREAT job!


    July 31, 2008 at 8:39 pm

  12. Hey, that’s really instructive. A friend from a German group directed me to these texts, and asked me if I could do some translating for him. I’ve tried the beginning of ‘Swimmin’ in Women’ (Khadija & Aisha) and would like to do more – that’s OK with you? I won’t try to do it all (except somebody did pay for it of course ;), but post parts of it into a German Forum. If you can make use of the German texts, you’ll get ’em too, of course.


    August 4, 2008 at 7:21 am

  13. Kraut, I’m OK with doing excerpts of it — not the entire site, of course. Can I get a link to the translation? I think there are a couple of other people who wouldn’t mind reading it in German.


    August 4, 2008 at 7:37 am

  14. OK, here’s what I did so far – it would come better in WORD of course – http://www.religionsforum-wogeheichhin.de/topic-threaded.php?board=25663&forum=17&threaded=1&id=1906&message=3082807


    August 4, 2008 at 8:17 am

  15. Hey Kraut, I’d prefer if you didn’t put it into Word format, actually. Online is one thing. But when it becomes something outside of that, I’m not OK with that.

    Also, I want to make sure you’re not charging anyone for the translation. I missed this part of your post the first time around:

    (except somebody did pay for it of course ;)

    I don’t want to come across as a jerk, but this is a labor of love. I’m putting in hours and hours of my time every weekday and weekend, and I’m not making a dime on it. I’m not asking for donations, I’m not selling anything, it’s all free. And that’s how it’s going to stay. I cannot let you charge someone for translating my intellectual property. If it’s 100% free, then it’s OK. If you’re charging, please stop translating immediately.


    August 4, 2008 at 8:27 am

  16. Hey kafirgirl,

    I’m working with WORD, so I do translation on that surface.
    If you don’t want that to leave my own PC, that’s OK – it’s only
    more work to insert all the italics and bolds in the online version.

    Of course I don’t charge anybody – the thought was that somebody
    might want to have a book made of it (I’ve done book translations
    already) – but the copyright is your’s anyway, and I wouldn’t think
    of transgressing it.


    August 5, 2008 at 7:22 am

  17. Ahh gotcha. Sorry, I misunderstood what you were saying. Go for it, Kraut. I hope I’m funnier in German!


    August 5, 2008 at 7:29 am

  18. Ok, if i can give a suggestion for developing this into a book. U got two ways to do it as far as i can see, one way will be a really hard sell, the other way can make u zillions. The least favored way first- this is just me own take, but i sort of know stuff about literary agents at least.
    1) A kind of idiots guide to the Quran that’s funky, witty and irrevereant.
    Problem: No one will touch it cos it lacks a human perspective.

    2) Chick lit. A Pakistani girl’s voyage through the Qu’ran which mirrors a journey through space and culture; a comic romp of misadvetures in love, post 911 America and the psyche of a Pakistani girl’s mind torn between loyalty to her American self image and an ancestral culture forever predispossed to screwing things up in the most comprehensive way. A tragic, bitterly funny coming of age novel with the mocking, almost hypocrtically stupid flipping pages of the Qu’ran there to rub salt into the wounds, leave a bitter taste in ure mouth and open more questions than it can ever answer.


    August 25, 2008 at 9:48 am

  19. That second one — I’d totally read that. Maybe there’s a book in my future after all.


    August 25, 2008 at 10:11 am

  20. i think there is Kafir Girl, u know where ure at ure best (imho), it’s in ure social observations, u know the Qu’ran is just the vehicle, a backdrop, a stage prop, it would be really ironic for a personality as infectious as ure’s to not write it as chick lit, done that way- it will be a most excellent adventure. Comedy, that’s the way to tell this stuff kg.
    Me own novel that tells me story and survival, it’s kind of harrowing, u know to be able to make the same impact through comedy, hell, that would be brilliant.
    And ure right about one more thing Kafir Girl, u asked the most important question, ‘would u yourself want to read that ureself?’


    August 25, 2008 at 10:30 am

  21. Jasmine, are you published? I would love to read your whole story.


    August 25, 2008 at 11:02 am

  22. KG, u know i started writing as therapy paid for by a mental health charity after me suicide attempt and stuff and I just started to write little by little and then it came as a torrent and i got one novel about me story, this is with the literary agent and needs editing. But then i got kicked out me house cos i was accused of being on heroin (lies) and was homeless and sleeping on the kithcen floor of a relative’s when me dad said;-
    1) Ure going to Pakistani or
    2) U can go into rehab in (u know where KG), where u can’t do nothing to shame us no more.
    So i took option two which means me novel is finished-but just needs editing. That’s not all though, I have written a 900 page novel about a Byzantine princess who fights a Rasputin like madman who has the Mongol army behind him, so i done quite a bit. U know i even got almost a quarter of a million words on mod on u know who’s site, which sounds sort of unbelivable but it’s true, this is tales and stories i write everyday, it’s like that KG.
    See the thing is, I can’t look after meself very well unfortunately so if i get me story published, i don’t know what will happen or how i can handle it.
    Right now, i just can’t face doing the editing KG, it’s just like a emotional challenge i dont want right now. I just can’t do anything until i get back to UK, only me family don’t want, it’s like that.


    August 25, 2008 at 12:09 pm

  23. jasminefrompakistan;

    Y’know, whatever crap some other people may say about you, or to you, just know that some of us here admire you and support you. I’m sure I can speak for many others and say it’s not only KG’s writing that draws me to this site. Remember we are rooting for you and keep going.


    August 25, 2008 at 1:44 pm

  24. Watercat, thanks so much, really thank u, cos sometimes i make mistakes and stuff, cos of me meds, i can get really emo, but persons who know me, also know that i got some ok ideas and don’t hurt no one also, and respect everyone. And ure a very kind person also, this is what i think now watercat.


    August 25, 2008 at 2:12 pm

  25. KG,

    I’ve just discovered ur blog and can’t stop reading. Perhaps I’ll comment when I’ve read a substantial number of posts…

    Have you ever read “The Hidden Face of Eve: Women in the Arab World” by Nawal El Saadawi? Just wondering.



    August 26, 2008 at 4:35 am

  26. I love Nawal Sadawi and read a really harrowing tale that could be rurual Pakistan quite easily, it’s called “God died by the Nile,” about the HYPOCRISY in a Egyptian village and how even a little baby has to pay. It’s true, that’s the way it is, I mean, it’s only weeks since 6 Pakistani girls was buried alive in Baluchistan for daring to stand up against forced marriage. And get this……. the guy who organized the posse is a Bauchi minister’s brother in the regional parliament in Quetta. Before Ayaan, there was Nawal.


    August 26, 2008 at 11:13 am

  27. Haven’t read it yet, K. I’m adding it to my Amazon wishlist right now — thanks for the suggestion. And welcome to the party =)


    August 26, 2008 at 11:20 am

  28. It would be all the better if U could bring in the Fiqh too. U could sell it off as the biggest book of jokes on the planet, and if U ask me, U wouldn’t really need to put in ir comments either, the whole thing in itself is atrociously funny.


    August 29, 2008 at 3:02 pm

  29. Anubis, agreed — it’s pretty hilarious on its own if you can sit through the unbelievably boring bits.


    August 29, 2008 at 3:04 pm

  30. Believe me, it’s been a month and I haven’t been able to sift through a quarter of it, wish I were made of stronger, sterner stuff. I know I can’t judge someone until I have lived their childhood and dreams; having read a bit of quran, ahadith and the fiqh, now I don’t quite blame the jihadis, if I were a muslim, I’d definitely seek a way out by blowing myself up. I would finally find peace watching my clotting blood and rotting limbs plastered on the walls, having all kinds of doe-eyed virgins catering to my slightest whims, or atrocious demands .. o well, I am in heaven after all …


    August 30, 2008 at 2:09 am

  31. between you and george carlin!. I’m gonna convert to the speggetti monster religion!.


    September 12, 2008 at 5:03 pm

  32. Hey, just wanted to say how much I’m enjoying your posts. Keep up the good work.


    November 17, 2008 at 9:46 pm

  33. Hey KG,
    Hope you are doing good… Really miss your updates :(

    Enlightened Atheist!


    December 16, 2008 at 1:11 pm

  34. Hello Kafirgirl

    Am just busy reading the posts on the Quran & what can I say “Brilliant, Funny and informative” spring to mind. As someone who has never read the Quran I am surprised to read verses that sound like they have come direct from that other best selling book of fairy tales The holy bible. Is it at all possible that the Jewish holybook ( is it called the Torah, I’m not sure) could have some of the same references in it. In which case I think we can all agree God/Jehovah/Allah, if they/he exist(yeah right I haven’t been Smote down yet) must therefore be one & the same Therefore a more important question than “who’s god is the true god?” must be “who owns the copyright?” maybe that is what all the arguments are really about.

    Secondly, I was born & raised a Christian but never really believed in the almighty, after all Christianity just by it’s very concept is against God’s will, just look at the commandments, “Thou shalt not worship false idols”. Yes christians believe that God is the main man, but they worship his son.

    Next,Why doesn’t God end all speculation one way or another, I mean God is all powerful isn’t he? surely it wouldn’t take up too much of his power or time to just control all the TV & Radio waves for a 5 minute slot world wide to just say ” Here I am, now you can believe” or “This is how I want you to behave”

    Finally, When are you going to help out the other religions by translating the other holy texts



    January 6, 2009 at 8:21 am

  35. this is some really good stuff, but you’re missing so many contradictions, errors, and other problems, then again if you included every single little thing going through the whole quran it would take foreverrr.

    I’m reading it myself and I have stickies on basically every page, and I’m only what, 1/3 of the way through. Maybe I should make a blog too.

    You know, I think the vast majority of muslims know their beliefs don’t add up, are unreasonable and crazy but they don’t say it publicly for fear of ridicule, they think as a group rather than on their own and if someone asks them about something they found disturbing or weird in Islam, they either A) deny that the Quran or hadith say any such thing or B) says it justified because God is God and can do whatever he wants to. na na. its pretty sad and scary.

    anywho keep it up, can’t wait for your next post



    January 21, 2009 at 9:43 pm

  36. hey KG
    How many times did you read The Cow? I couldn’t stand even skimming though it again. BS overload. :| (goes into a coma)

    but I blogged what I have so far (exmuslimreasons)

    one thing I don’t get, when they have these Islam vs Atheism debates why don’t the Atheists just pull out a copy of the Quran and just state some verses that can’t be reinterpreted in any way? Like, “God does not burden people more than they can bear”, and then talk about mental homes. Or so much other shit. Done. Quran = man made. Allah = man made. And then no definition of what God is, left to discuss.

    I agree, you should turn this into a book. This blogs so easy to read. Anyone could pick that book up, go through it, and be prepared to discuss when a Muslim tells them the Quran is divine at one of those dawa tables. Can’t believe I use to be one of em telling people Islam is true. sigh.


    January 24, 2009 at 5:27 am

  37. Omar, I read the Cow waaaay more than I care to remember. Ugh. Not fun. I wonder if they set it up that way. Put the longest, most boring chapter right up front so nobody can get past it to see all the crazy.


    January 24, 2009 at 12:04 pm

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