Religion of piss?
HolyDude emailed me this comic and — oh em eff gee — I had to share it with you guys:
Whathefa? Seriously? Seriously?? Mo actually ordered people to drink camel piss? News to me! I looked up the verse to verify that this is actually what it says, and guess what? The full hadith is waaaaay more fucked up than just a little urophagia.
Narrated Abu Qilaba:
Anas said, “Some people of ‘Ukl or ‘Uraina tribe came to Medina and its climate did not suit them. So the Prophet ordered them to go to the herd of (Milch) camels and to drink their milk and urine (as a medicine).
Mohammed ordered a tribe to drink a camel milk-n-pee smoothie to cure their aversion to dryness? OK. I get that. According to Wikipedia, urine therapy was a form of alternative medicine in several ancient cultures. See? Alternative medicine was just as silly and kooky then as it is now. People are advised against drinking urine because it might — besides just being plain old gross — give them a rash. Or, as in the case of the ‘Ukl / ‘Uraina tribe, it might cause….urine madness.
So they went as directed and after they became healthy, they killed the shepherd of the Prophet and drove away all the camels.
The pee-drinkers turned into pee-zombies and killed a guy. Then they chased away the camels, which is dumb considering that’s where their “medication” is coming from.
How did the good prophet react to all of this? With vengeance, of course!
The news reached the Prophet early in the morning and he sent (men) in their pursuit and they were captured and brought at noon. He then ordered to cut their hands and feet (and it was done), and their eyes were branded with heated pieces of iron, They were put in ‘Al-Harra’ and when they asked for water, no water was given to them.”
Did you catch all of that? One more time, in bulleted form:
- Mo had the tribe captured.
- He had their hands and feet cut off.
- He branded their eyes with hot iron.
- He dumped them in Al-Harrah (a large volcanic field near the Jordanian border)…
- …with no water. So they can’t even make more piss to drink.
Wow. Just wow. And in case you’re thinking maybe Mo wasn’t such a nice guy after all, the hadith ends with some good old fashioned enabling:
Abu Qilaba said, “Those people committed theft and murder, became infidels after embracing Islam and fought against Allah and His Apostle.”
It’s never Mo’s fault when he has to torture and murder someone. It’s their fault. It’s always their fault. He’s great, you’re crap!
Anyway, here’s what seems more likely to me. Mo tells the tribe to drink the “medicine” and they believe him. They believe in him enough to drink warm camel milk (desert, remember?) mixed with warm camel pee (pee’s warm). This does nothing for their climate woes, and they realize just how full of shit Mo was. They got pissed (no pun intended), killed the shepherd and chased away the camels in revenge. And you know the rest.
And with that, I’m off to make a pee-milkshake to cure my aching buttcheeks. I had one of those killer workouts yesterday that left everything from the waist down in agony. Hurts. So. Good! Have a lovely Saturday and I’ll be back soon with more desert fun. Stay tuned!