We read the Quran so you don’t have to.

Religion of piss?

with 29 comments

HolyDude emailed me this comic and — oh em eff gee — I had to share it with you guys:

Whathefa?  Seriously?  Seriously??  Mo actually ordered people to drink camel piss?  News to me!  I looked up the verse to verify that this is actually what it says, and guess what?  The full hadith is waaaaay more fucked up than just a little urophagia.

Narrated Abu Qilaba:

Anas said, “Some people of ‘Ukl or ‘Uraina tribe came to Medina and its climate did not suit them. So the Prophet ordered them to go to the herd of (Milch) camels and to drink their milk and urine (as a medicine).

Mohammed ordered a tribe to drink a camel milk-n-pee smoothie to cure their aversion to dryness?  OK.  I get that.  According to Wikipedia, urine therapy was a form of alternative medicine in several ancient cultures.  See?  Alternative medicine was just as silly and kooky then as it is now.  People are advised against drinking urine because it might — besides just being plain old gross — give them a rash.  Or, as in the case of the ‘Ukl / ‘Uraina tribe, it might cause….urine madness.

So they went as directed and after they became healthy, they killed the shepherd of the Prophet and drove away all the camels.

The pee-drinkers turned into pee-zombies and killed a guy.  Then they chased away the camels, which is dumb considering that’s where their “medication” is coming from.

How did the good prophet react to all of this?  With vengeance, of course!

The news reached the Prophet early in the morning and he sent (men) in their pursuit and they were captured and brought at noon. He then ordered to cut their hands and feet (and it was done), and their eyes were branded with heated pieces of iron, They were put in ‘Al-Harra’ and when they asked for water, no water was given to them.”

Did you catch all of that?  One more time, in bulleted form:

Wow.  Just wow.  And in case you’re thinking maybe Mo wasn’t such a nice guy after all, the hadith ends with some good old fashioned enabling:

Abu Qilaba said, “Those people committed theft and murder, became infidels after embracing Islam and fought against Allah and His Apostle.”

It’s never Mo’s fault when he has to torture and murder someone.  It’s their fault.  It’s always their fault.  He’s great, you’re crap!

Anyway, here’s what seems more likely to me.  Mo tells the tribe to drink the “medicine” and they believe him.  They believe in him enough to drink warm camel milk (desert, remember?) mixed with warm camel pee (pee’s warm).  This does nothing for their climate woes, and they realize  just how full of shit Mo was.  They got pissed (no pun intended), killed the shepherd and chased away the camels in revenge.  And you know the rest.

And with that, I’m off to make a pee-milkshake to cure my aching buttcheeks.  I had one of those killer workouts yesterday that left everything from the waist down in agony.  Hurts.  So.  Good!  Have a lovely Saturday and I’ll be back soon with more desert fun.  Stay tuned!


Written by kafirgirl

January 17, 2009 at 11:15 am

Posted in Quran

Tagged with , ,

29 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. It is amazing that Mohammed and peace are even mentioned in the same sentence.

    The Atheist Jew

    January 17, 2009 at 12:03 pm

  2. Wow, you had never read that particular Hadith? I was a bit dumbfounded when I first read it. To me, this was just more evidence that Muhammad (and his partner-in-crime Allah) didn’t know squat and was just an evil manipulative bastard.

    “It’s never Mo’s fault when he has to torture and murder someone. It’s their fault. It’s always their fault. He’s great, you’re crap!”

    You know, that is still going on today. Muslims everywhere are being “victimized” by us non-Muslims (especially the Jews). You speak anything “negative” (that is to say, truthful) about Islam or Muhammad and you are accused of being an Islamophobe (an irrational fear of Islam?), a bigot, or a racist (because Islam is a race, you know). Logic does not apply. Neither does truth or facts.

    Stay warm!


    January 17, 2009 at 12:23 pm

  3. Hi kafirgirl, here is the link to the entire comic book


    The other stories are equally hilarious. Do check them out when you can.

    The song “Islam is not for me” on that website can also be found here

    Nitwit Nastik

    January 17, 2009 at 2:10 pm

  4. When I was still a mozzle, I really had to work hard to ignore hadiths like that. I deliberately avoided them, or I would say, “Well in their time they didn’t know about medicine, mumble mumble,” as if a ‘prophet’ isn’t supposed to, y’know, have a direct line to the sky guy tellin’ him ‘Hey, Mo, you know that healing urine thing? Total myth.’

    Now that I am a kafir, I can enjoy these hadiths as they are meant to be enjoyed – rolling on the floor laughing.

    Happy To Be Gone

    January 17, 2009 at 2:36 pm

  5. More irrelevance from an era of savagery. What bothers me is that people try to lead their lives in modern times with these nonsensical teachings and ramblings. Just another example of how useless these texts are.


    January 17, 2009 at 5:16 pm

  6. Do you know what even more fucked up? In India they STILL drink piss (human and bovine) and love it, because it cures all sorts of diseases. And apparently cow poop is also good, along with eating rats.


    And what is double-even-more-fucked-up than that? Even knowing this, I still love Indian food, had it for dinner last night! :-P


    January 17, 2009 at 5:33 pm

  7. Mauro, you know the secret ingredient that makes curries taste so good is…


    January 17, 2009 at 6:21 pm

  8. Eating rats?? I did not know it even happened here. Drinking urine is still practiced by some suppposedly(no one i met) but for the most part people are quite averse to it themselves.

    Another Kafir

    January 18, 2009 at 12:36 am

  9. I can understand why urine is disgusting, Mauro, but why is eating rats any different than eating chicken?


    January 18, 2009 at 2:14 pm

  10. And this is why I read your site – this is disgusting and totally in line with all the other stuff good ol’ Mo said.

    YUCK and hilarious all at the same time!


    January 18, 2009 at 3:09 pm

  11. @ Nitwit Nastik:

    I didn’t know they had it back online. They had some fight with the author and had to delete it from their website.

    Anyway, here’s an alternative link:

    Btw, make sure to check the other song on islamicomicbook.


    Strangers on my flight is awesome.There were a lot more, but they seem to be gone. :/


    January 18, 2009 at 4:04 pm

  12. Elis asked:

    I can understand why urine is disgusting, Mauro, but why is eating rats any different than eating chicken?

    Well. since I’m a vegetarian, I would agree with you, eating either is disgusting! :-P


    January 18, 2009 at 6:10 pm

  13. Hi, KG! Glad to see you are back online. Now to catch up on your new blog posts…


    January 18, 2009 at 7:27 pm

  14. Elis, as a broad rule eating scavengers is a bad idea. They are way more likely to have parasites and nasty infections which they can pass on to you.


    January 19, 2009 at 4:25 am

  15. Since we are posting links …

    That is another of my favorite Hadith …


    January 19, 2009 at 10:16 am

  16. Mauro said “In India they (devout hindus) STILL drink piss ….”

    I guess the post should have been called “Religion is Piss”.


    January 20, 2009 at 1:41 pm

  17. I should point out that, in fact, urine has a proud history. It was used as a mouthwash by the Romans. Portuguese urine was apparently the favorite. The key ingredient was the ammonia, which may be the kernel behind the idea of urine killing diseases mentioned by Mauro.

    So, next time you’re lost in the wilderness, you’ll know how to keep your breath er..umm..”minty” fresh! If you have another source of water around though, I really don’t recommend drinking the mouthwash. :)

    As for rats, don’t even get me started about the stories of a few Guandong restaurants I’ve heard about. I already had one bizarre experience in Shanghai, but with a different animal.


    January 20, 2009 at 6:51 pm

  18. As for rats, don’t even get me started about the stories of a few Guandong restaurants I’ve heard about. I already had one bizarre experience in Shanghai, but with a different animal.

    …and you’re not going to tell us?


    January 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm

  19. I should point out that, in fact, urine has a proud history. It was used as a mouthwash by the Romans. Portuguese urine was apparently the favorite. The key ingredient was the ammonia, which may be the kernel behind the idea of urine killing diseases mentioned by Mauro.

    Before anybody thinks I buy into that stuff: I didn’t say I believe it, I was only paraphrasing the article!


    January 20, 2009 at 7:07 pm

  20. From Obama’s inaugural address:

    “For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers.”


    Non-believers, we count!


    January 20, 2009 at 7:43 pm

  21. Hi Mauro,

    Ah..I had foolishly not anticipated the curiosity on that. Not much to tell really.

    Mrs. LiquidThinker and I just came into Shanghai (my first trip to China) at night after a long and painful flight. We stepped out of the hotel into the freezing cold to grab a bite to eat and ended up at a hot pot place. After getting several obvious and uncomfortable stares from the local patrons, Mrs. LiquidThinker (a Chinese speaker) asked me, after talking to the waitress, if this was the place I really wanted to eat at. Her tone had embedded in it the answer she thought I should say. So, we left and she told me later that the main course was dog. Apparently the local patrons were not used to an non-Asian American coming into such a restaurant.

    Not that I’m averse to trying new things. For example, on a later business trip to Beijing, I got to try deer tendon and mule (the latter of which I found out about later). Rats, though, I’ll pretty much avoid except for special occasions. Like famine.

    Fun hadith btw. For some reason, I’m picturing a kind of Mel Brooks aftermath. A guy gets his hands and feet chopped off, his eyes branded, and the first thing he says is, “Hey, can I get some water here?”.


    January 20, 2009 at 7:53 pm

  22. “We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus — and non-believers.”

    I suppose “non-believers” includes the Church of Scientology? Otherwise Tom Cruise will be PISSED!

    And did anyone else notice that Rick Warren used “Isa” in his prayer? I don’t know if he was trying to be inclusive to Muslims or piss them off — because Muslims don’t believe Isa = Allah.


    January 21, 2009 at 11:00 am

  23. Actually, Rick Warren probably pissed the Christians off because Isa is not God-incarnate, did not die on the cross, and comes back to fight (and kill) all the Christians until they convert to Islam. At least according to the Quran.


    January 21, 2009 at 11:12 am

  24. Michael,

    Well, technically, I guess we’re all nonbelievers in something. As far as I know, Christians don’t believe in Thor, Muslims maybe don’t believe in Zeus, Scientologists don’t believe in not suing everybody, Taoists don’t believe that the Tao that can be named is the real Tao, and I don’t believe that “Mall Cop” can be in any way a good movie.

    We all need something to not believe in or not.

    But yes, Warren tried to impress us all with how many names he can know for Jesus without noticing that the whole thing is made up. Sad really. I’m kind of embarrassed he’s near my area.


    January 21, 2009 at 1:37 pm

  25. I’m an Aussie who has just stumbled across your blog by way of richarddawkins.net -> skepticsannotatedbible.com

    Well done on what you’re doing here, I had a read of your deconversion story. Anyway, to the topic!

    One of our ex-prime ministers, Gough Whitlam, had a memorable turn of phrase when told about his Indian counterpart, Moraji Desai, and his well-publicised drink of choice for his daily breakfast. His response was, and I quote, “Well, I’ve heard of people getting on the piss early but this is ridiculous”.

    (This, gentle reader, is also a well-known euphemism for drinking booze in my part of the world, which is usually frowned upon when practiced before midday. :-)

    Desai lived to be 99 so it didn’t do him any harm it seems: although Gough at age 92 has just become our longest-lived PM in the last few days, I cannot say whether he’s adopted the practice. Apparently he was most curious about it though, later asking questions such as: “How did he keep it? In a refrigerator? At room temperature? At blood heat? How did he serve it? With lemon? On the rocks? With a touch of bitters?”

    I hope you don’t think I’m taking the piss!

    Pax tecum – may peace (not piss) be with you.


    January 23, 2009 at 4:11 am

  26. […] and honey are a sign of God’s existence.  Honey — like urine — contains medicine, so don’t go to the doctor or anything.  Just drink some pee mixed […]

  27. GAD, let’s not get too exited. Our existence may be acknowledged, but we have a long ways to go. Certainly an improvement over previous presidencies [most noticeably the last asshole we had], and we need to get better.

    Michael, Rick Warren’s a kiss ass anyway!! But good catch, i didn’t think about that one!


    January 27, 2009 at 11:56 pm

  28. 9. Abu Hurairah narrated that the prophet said:

    “If a dog drinks the water from a dish of anyone, then purify it by washing it seven times, using earth for the first or last washing”

    Mo has simply got to be talking to God. Only God would know that washing your plates with mud steralises them after a dog has a lick


    February 7, 2009 at 4:57 pm

  29. Some other sahih (as in AUTHENTIC) ahadith describe little children drinking water that Muhammad had used to wash himself in! They then comment on the ‘Seal of Prophethood’, which is apparently a huge mole or something on his back that he used to point to as a sign of prophethood.


    April 22, 2009 at 7:18 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: