We read the Quran so you don’t have to.

LOLmuslim Friday! Plus week in review.

with 16 comments

All praise be to You Guys, readers (of) this blog.  Most sarcastic, most amusing.  Kings and Queens (and KingQueens) of the internet.  You Guys rock bigtime, for following along and helping us make sense of (this) boring ass book.  You alone we hope will come (back and) keep reading.  Verily (you) are most bored, and in need of entertainment, and we shall try to give it to you.  (Fuckin’) A men.

Have another LOLmuslims, on me:

It’s been an insane week at work.  Long story short, I’m on a tight deadline and I have to work very closely with a guy who says he can see people’s auras.  No joke.  Long hours + new age moron (NAM) + Quran = burn out.  So I’ve been taking it slow and steady, and taking some time out to watch Guns, Germs and Steel.  The post on chapter 6 isn’t quite ready yet, but it’ll be up very shortly.

In the meantime, you can get all caught up with posts you may have missed.  And here’s some other Islam-related stuff you might enjoy:

  • The following episodes of the Infidel Guy radio show are awesome.  I listened to them on noise cancelling headphones at work yesterday.  To block out NAM’s humming and singing.  Seriously.  That guy is a fucking nuisance.  You can download the episodes from iTunes:
    05/29/07 – Interview with ex-Muslim Dr. Parvin Darba about oppression of women in Islam
    05/17/07 – Ex-Muslim Adnan Khalid speaks out about Islam
    09/06/07 – Discussion about Islam with Armen Saginian
  • Jesus and Mo comics.  Super smart, super funny, super jealous that I didn’t think of it first.

I have to clear up some rumors floating around.  I’m not sure if this will make an ounce of difference to the people who are spreading this shit (hint: pissed-off Muslims), but it’s worth putting out there:

Please stop throwing the word madrassah around.  I did not grow up “in a madrassah.”  Hell, I never even called it a madrassah.  I called it Islamic Sunday school for a reason:  classes were on Sunday at our local mosque.  It’s just like church Sunday school, except it’s Muslim.  The reason it’s not on the Muslim day of prayer (Friday) is because I live in America, and we have real school on Friday.  Some of the stuff I’ve read about myself insinuates that my parents sent me to live at a madrassah and I was raised by imams.  The fuck?

I’ve also had several Muslims telling me I was doomed to be a kafir because I didn’t read the Quran at all before I left the religion.  Not true.  I started reading the Quran when I was 5 or 6, and I’ve read it in its entirety 6 times.  In Arabic, phoenetically.  It’s like reading French and being able to pronounce things, but having no clue of what you’re actually saying.  I read the damn thing in the language it was created in, and it did nothing for me.  This is the first time I’m reading the Quran in English, which is the language I grew up speaking.

Anyway, if you have a question about my history, just ask.  I’ll answer.  Please don’t assume things or invent stories.  (I’m looking at you, BBC message board people.)  Capish?  Capish.

Stay tuned for chapter 6.  Today’s my last day working with NAM, so it won’t be much longer.  Promise!


Written by kafirgirl

July 25, 2008 at 9:53 am

Posted in Friday, review

Tagged with

16 Responses

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  1. You have win the challenge thrown by allah “Produce a Sura…”. U have written a better Sura than Sura Fatiha.


    July 25, 2008 at 10:22 am

  2. “Please don’t assume things or invent stories.”

    That is not the way to say it.

    Quranic style is
    Say “Whoever invents a lie against Kafirgirl will burn in hell-fire”.


    July 25, 2008 at 10:26 am

    There are several posts, one on harassement in Egypt and another on mahram.
    site is…. “I blame the Patriarchy,” by Twisty.

    Do you want to stop Islamist influence in the blogosphere?
    Good. Go and kick some ass and win us some influence.


    July 25, 2008 at 11:29 am

  4. Thanks for the plug, KG. I am really enjoying your unique take on the Koran. Keep up the great work!


    July 25, 2008 at 12:01 pm

  5. Ooooo, an aura reader. Hah! Sometime I should write up some of my encounters with Interesting Folk at my workplace. There’s been a few, it’s a place that attracts new agers a bit.

    I think I’ll spread some counter rumors. So if you read something about you being ten feet tall, breathing fire, and eating babies…it wasn’t me. Honest.

    *walks off whistling, hands in pockets*


    July 25, 2008 at 12:24 pm

  6. See, aura readers sound pretty fantastic. Like my great-grandmother telling me about widow-toes and tying potato peels to my head to cure migraines (at least that’s how I imagine it–don’t spoil it for me if it’s dull).

    I prefer the djinn-esque, haunty mumbo-jumbo over the conversations with my born-again relatives. You might not know this, but everything has Jesus in it: bread, the garden, my niece and nephew. Jesus is like high-fructose corn syrup.


    July 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  7. “Jesus is like high-fructose corn syrup.”

    That’s going in my quotes/random thoughts/etc, etc moleskin.


    July 25, 2008 at 2:13 pm

  8. Here they are… the 72 virgins.


    July 25, 2008 at 5:30 pm

  9. I do not like this lolmuslim. It seems to reinforce the idea that rape is the result of women wearing provocative clothing–something we need to counter. Just my opinion.


    July 25, 2008 at 9:37 pm

  10. Watercat, that’s actually the idea. It’s an excuse a lot of Muslims give — not covering yourself head to toe will cause men to go into a rape frenzy. It’s a bunch of bullshit. This isn’t reinforcing the idea. It’s making fun of it.


    July 25, 2008 at 9:42 pm

  11. P.S. it’s one of those things from Ayaan Hirsi Ali’s book that really stuck out in my mind. When she moved to the Netherlands, she was genuinely shocked to see women walking around wearing whatever they wanted, because these women were NOT being attacked by men.


    July 25, 2008 at 9:47 pm

  12. I lol’d.
    Thanks. :D


    July 25, 2008 at 10:14 pm

  13. lol @ KF and Rahul :D

    some of my muslim bredren might find this the ideal picture of S&M heaven !

    defunct pilgrim

    July 26, 2008 at 10:54 am

  14. >It’s an excuse a lot of Muslims give — not covering yourself head to toe will cause men to go into a rape frenzy.

    I’ve heard this statement mentioned often too. Ironically, this seems to be an indictment of men: that they can’t control themselves, that they’re savage brutal rapists at heart, and that they have absolutely zero regard or compassion for another human being.

    It’s ironic, hypocritical excuses like these that make a mockery of islam: if these men can’t control themselves, then they’re certainly not emotionally and mentally fit to tell others what is moral, or to tell others how to live their lives.

    In other words, what that statement says to me is: islam – the religion of rapists. And actually, the veil and the burka could be seen as symbols of a rapist culture.


    August 5, 2008 at 12:27 pm

  15. I can’t say anything about about burqas or Islam because i’m Christian, but the people on this site make a lot more sense about the faith than the idiots NBC, CBS, and CNN trot out. Then again I believe that all religions that decended from Abraham (Christian, Muslim, Jews) should join together against those who want to destroy religion (atheists and secularist).


    August 13, 2008 at 4:33 pm

  16. Good fucking luck with that, buddy.


    August 13, 2008 at 6:08 pm

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