We read the Quran so you don’t have to.

LOLmuslim & week in review.

with 37 comments

Mmmmmm MMMM!! I love me some Friday.  Know why?  Because it’s LOLmuslim Friday!  Whoo! This week I’m featuring a special Russell Glasser edition LOLmuslim, because he sent me an email that sparked the the idea. Thanks, Russell!

It almost brings a tear to my eye.  And not in the haha I’m laughing so hard kind of way.  Know what I mean?

I made some changes to the site:

  • I’ve added an archive tab with a list of all the chapters in order. No more having to hit the “older posts” link, unless you’re into that sadistic shit.  Which, hell, some of you might be, since you’re interested in the Quran.
  • There’s also a tab with links to all the LOLmuslims.  There will be a new one each Friday, so that should keep things organized.

If you find broken links and the like, or you have suggestions on how I can improve the site’s usability, definitely let me know. I’m a Mac girl, so for all I know, this might be totally unreadable on a PC. Eep! I won’t know there’s a problem unless you tell me.

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, huh?  Things have kind of exploded.  You know you’re doing something right when someone anti-blogs about your blog. Check it out: Sona’s Blog. (But shhhhh! He doesn’t want me to know that he’s mocking me for mocking the Quran.)  Go there for a good laugh, but please do not flame his site with comments or anything. You cannot reason with some people.  Especially people who think you’re ig’nant for not believing in the magic man in the sky and his invisible fairy army.  I’d much rather you leave your comments somewhere where they’ll make a difference — right here, baby!

SPH posted a comment about the Channel 4 UK broadcast of a documentary called “The Qur’an.”  There are torrents flying around, so check it out if you’re interested.  I haven’t seen it, but I’ll definitely check it out when I have a little time.  You can read up on it here.  (Thanks, SPH!)

One last thing. I was curious about what people were typing into search engines to find their way to this site, so I checked. Here’s a screen grab of what I found. I highlighted my favorite in yellow.

I died laughing. And then I resurrected myself, because I have a whole lot more Quran to read. Sigh. Back to the book. New post coming up shortly!


Written by kafirgirl

July 18, 2008 at 8:01 am

Posted in Friday, review

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37 Responses

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  1. One part of the anti-blog post I really enjoyed personally:

    He starts out explaining Jinns and then he goes on to explain it very “scientifically”:

    …angels are created from light particles (photons) jinn and angels are similar in composition…made from photons, photons carry electromagnetic radiation on the atomic level these energies exist and interact with other particles. Jinn are essentially these atomic energies…to deny the existence of jinn is to deny electromagnetic radiation and wavelengths. Right now we do not understand atomic particles fully…

    Sorry to repeat the large block but I really enjoyed reading his post. The logical acrobatics and feats he had to perform to convince himself that denying a Jinn is synonymous with denying the existence of radiation trumps all.


    July 18, 2008 at 9:53 am

  2. If you deny the existence of jinn, you’re denying science itself! Oh their god, it just kills me. The saddest part is that his lackeys totally ate that shit up. This thing from another post also made me crack up:

    Am going to start adressing some of her postings, I have studied her I have reserched on her. Seems like she was an ignorent Muslim who never read the Qu’ran until after she left Islam. She is also married.

    Ohz noz, he’s reserching me! He somehow found out that I’m married! *Gasp* He read my FAQ!! I feel so violated.

    Original post here if anyone wants some cheap laughs.


    July 18, 2008 at 10:00 am

  3. I’m thinking the person who googled for “Jews suck” did not find whatever he was looking for when he came across your blog.

    Thanks for using my idea! It wasn’t QUITE the same… when I suggested that the caption be “INVISIBLE FEMININITY” I was modeling it after the concept shown in the first few of these:

    But that’s ok, yours is hilarious.

    Signing off…

    -Russell/Kazim (secular Jew)


    July 18, 2008 at 10:15 am

  4. I had to put a twist on it — you got the old wheels turning.

    I’m really curious what the “Jews suck” person’s reaction was. And hell, the other too, as well.


    July 18, 2008 at 10:20 am

  5. Your site looks great on my PC. And I found your site from a link on the SAB site.


    July 18, 2008 at 10:21 am

  6. Oh, I just read Sona’s blog and cannot contain my amusement. Of course I do see a SMALL flaw in your master plan, KG, because if he is reading your blog to “debunk” you then he just might notice the fact that you mentioned him. (Shhhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet! I’m hunting bwoggers! Hahahahahah…)

    Anyway, so many things to enjoy by Sona (is this a man or a woman, btw? I’m guessing woman but not many clues):
    1. “Arabian Nights” is a textbook for understanding reality. I guess this is the Muslim version of a Talmud, eh?
    2. “I have noticed many, blogs by ex Muslim women. What is up with these chicks?” It’s like a bad Jari al-Seinfeld routine.
    3. Therefore, I am ready to challenge Irshad Manji: if she can objectively prove any one of her feminist values which run in contrast to Islam to be true, then she will receive the following: $5000.01 U.S. dollars!

    Wow! It’s a good thing (s)he added that extra cent, because if it was just $5000.00 I’d imagine people would still have to think it over. Or is this just a computer rounding error?

    But seriously, offering money to “prove VALUES” is just idiotic on the face of it. I mean, a person could say “I value bungee jumping naked into vats of fresh ice cream” and what are you going to say? No, you don’t? This isn’t something you can prove or disprove. Usually when somebody (i.e., James Randi) offers money to prove a claim, it is on a subject that can be objectively verified, and the terms for victory are agreed on in advance.

    Exactly what is the nature of the “proof” that would be acceptable to Sona? Because I certainly don’t see any mention of the terms on the blog, and I rather suspect that Sona doesn’t actually HAVE $5000 to set aside since there is no way she would accept any answer as winning her bet.


    July 18, 2008 at 10:58 am

  7. Oh mah gaw, Jari al-Seinfeld made me choke on my coffee. Kudos, sir, you win. I was really torn over whether to link to his site, but that right there was worth it.

    BTW, Sona’s a man — I peeked in the comments and people keep referring to him as “brother.” And he thinks he’s “debunked” Ali Sina over at Faith Freedom / Wikiislam. I want to read those posts, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t make it past this bismillahs and greetings.

    Hi GAD! Thanks for the feedback. That’s a load off my mind — I’m kind of paranoid about Mac-PC compatibility, not really sure why.


    July 18, 2008 at 11:05 am

  8. The only reason I thought he might be a woman was because of the way he opened his recent post by saying: “Salaam’ to my beautiful hijabi/niqabi ladies. And Salam to the brothers too.” I really wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, because if a woman wrote “my beautiful ladies” it would sound like addressing an equal, whereas if a man says the same thing he sounds like either a possessive, condescending prick or the owner of a large harem. (Well, maybe there’s no difference.) It’s sort of like the way it’s somewhat acceptable for a black guy to address friends as “My n*****s,” while I refuse to even spell out the word.

    But, given the rest of the blog, I guess I should have gone ahead and accepted the “condescending prick” option.

    More dialogue I can picture coming from Jari al-Seinfeld:

    “I don’t know about this girl I’m dating now. She has man-clothes.”

    “I didn’t want to say anything, but have you noticed how that guy is kind of a… compeer-talker?”

    “So I get back to her place, and we’re having fun, when all of a sudden I realize — she’s menstruating. Now there’s these chains and shackles around my neck and my skin is being burnt up and singed for eternity. What’s up with THAAAAT?”


    July 18, 2008 at 11:56 am

  9. Jerks like him make my blood boil….and when my blood boils I write like this.


    July 18, 2008 at 12:14 pm

  10. One thing that’s been bugging me is that if you move your mouse over the Out Campaign logo in the sidebar, it appears underlined. Actually, it’s not the underlining that bugs me, it’s the fact that everything underneath the logo jumps down one pixel to let the underlining appear (and then jumps up one pixel when you move your mouse away).

    The underlining shows up in both Safari and Firefox. But for whatever reason, Safari doesn’t do the jumping thing.

    There are two ways to fix this, both involving fixing the style.css stylesheet.

    If you like the underline, and just don’t want the text underneath it to jump, add the following to the stylesheet:

    a {
    border-bottom: 1px solid transparent;

    (basically, this just adds a transparent 1-pixel border to every link; moving your mouse over it merely changes the color, but its size doesn’t change.)

    If you don’t want the underlining at all, you can add this to the stylesheet:

    .textwidget a[href = “http://outcampaign.org/”] {
    border-bottom: none;

    which is butt-ugly, but I haven’t been able to come up with a more elegant way of doing it.


    July 18, 2008 at 12:16 pm

  11. The more elegant way to fix that tag would be to give that particular link either a class with defined behavior (i.e., <a class=”nounderline” href=…>), OR stick the css directive right in the tag (a style=”…”)

    I didn’t say it’s shorter, just less kludgy.


    July 18, 2008 at 12:41 pm

  12. Awww. Sona’s taking ver ball and going home.

    Clearly the Internet is no place for someone who believes in Islam. As there are bullies on the Internet who will humiliate you.

    Walk in peace, Soma, and may Allah protect your ass from being hit by the door.

    If only it were this easy to dispose of the Pat Robertsons and Ray Comforts of the world.


    July 18, 2008 at 12:52 pm

  13. Kazim:
    You’re right, but I have no idea how much control kafirgirl has over what. I figured she can edit the stylesheet, but didn’t want to assume she can edit the sidebar widget HTML (and from what I know of WordPress, this may be nontrivial).

    But yes, putting the A in its own class is probably best.


    July 18, 2008 at 12:54 pm

  14. Buh? It’s like you’re speaking another language. No seriously, CSS is like Arabic to me. I tried what you both suggested, and I’m still having issues. I suuuuuck. I’m breaking the link until I can figure out what I’m doing wrong.


    July 18, 2008 at 12:55 pm

  15. I’m the bully? Oh hell naw, I can’t stop laughing.
    P.S. That’s an awesomely emo farewell post.


    July 18, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  16. The internet is a cold, cruel place, all right. But I think our friends is a little unclear on the concept. You can say that it’s “bullying” to respond to somebody else’s blog with mockery, but then what was he doing on your blog in the first place?

    Seems to be the manly thing to do would be to say “I’m not going to let those heretics get me down! Allah knows I’m right!” rather than “Goodbye forever, cruel blogging world.” Get some thicker skin, Soma. Seriously.


    July 18, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  17. Wow. You made Sona wish humanity would be wiped out by a comet. AND he thinks humanity is doomed.

    Oh wait, apparently he changed his mind. Because his mama told him to stand up to bullies. You’re gonna get it now.

    I was amused by his post on feminists, which starts off merely insane before flying through apeshit, batshit and aye aye shit insane to settle on frothing at the mouth. I’m no psychologist, but I think it’s *just* possible that he has some issues with women.


    July 18, 2008 at 2:04 pm

  18. Awesome part of her first post on you, is that she said people should not comment angrily on her site, “I shall expose her and the you can comment there.” I imagine the dudes who waited thinking they would get some material to post about after that post must be really pissed with the pathetic scientific post.
    Only scientific conclusion of that post can be that that dude seriously needs counseling, and is a possible threat to many.

    ps : I also thought he was a girl from his last post about quitting blog.. which he retracted … he will be around to expose more people.. damn!! Good entertainment for sure..

    Another Kafir

    July 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm

  19. It’s like you’re speaking another language. No seriously, CSS is like Arabic to me.

    You mean, it looks like the text is running right-to-left? There’s a way to fix that in CSS :-)


    July 18, 2008 at 2:43 pm

  20. You made Sona wish humanity would be wiped out by a comet. AND he thinks humanity is doomed.

    And here I thought only atheists wish for stuff like that. It’s a wonder we have the will to wake up everyday and don’t go jump off a bridge or something.

    Hey Another Kafir, I’m starting to think it’s a kid. Like a 14 year old kid. Not sure who else would run off crying and then come back like that.

    As far as I’m concerned, he doesn’t exist anymore. He probably got more hits on his site today than he ever has before (you’re welcome), and that’s more than he deserves.

    And arensb, there is much shaking of and angry fist going on here. It’s the second time I’ve choked on my coffee today.


    July 18, 2008 at 3:04 pm

  21. “She is mocking the idea of Stay Puft Marshmallow Man – Marshmallow Men are made from Marshmallow which is sugar, water, gelatin, dextrose, and flavoring whipped into a spongy consistancy.

    Marshmallow Men are esstentially marshmallows to deny the existance of Marshmallow Men is to deny the existance of sugar and gelatin.

    Before I get too involved with technical discussions, I would just like to point out that there is a well known movie that also deals extensively with our sugary neighbors.

    In fact one might call it a manual of mankind’s interaction with the Marshmallow Men! And this is ‘Ghostbusters’ movie, or ‘The Real Ghostbusters’ animated series.”

    Kevin Greene

    July 18, 2008 at 3:20 pm

  22. Kevin. I died. I fucking died.

    Wait, would this be an argument from dessert?


    July 18, 2008 at 3:25 pm

  23. “And here I thought only atheists wish for stuff like that.”

    Hey now! I’m a hard core atheist and I can assure you that I have no such thoughts as a comet wiping out all of humanity, only that part that isn’t atheist :)


    July 18, 2008 at 4:58 pm

  24. For some reason, I’m amused beyond reason by the Caliphate org chart

    I realize it probably sounds a lot better in Arabic, but imagine the aneurysm right-wingers would have if the State Department sent someone to speak to some country’s Director of Jihad.


    July 18, 2008 at 5:02 pm

  25. Russell, Do you know who could be a great guest for the Non-prophets show?

    (Her name starts with a K…)


    July 19, 2008 at 4:11 am

  26. I could float the idea to Matt, I suppose…


    July 19, 2008 at 10:23 am

  27. I actually started reading this site because of the Non-Prophets podcast. I have read snippets of the Qur’an in the past but it’s nice to have someone give me ammunition to fight this bullshit without me having to slog through it. Keep up the good work.


    July 19, 2008 at 11:24 pm

  28. Hey,
    Thanks for linking to Sona’s blog. I was quite amused by her post on Jinns. My response to her post is copied here:

    So angels emit UV light, huh? Interesting. Shame we can’t see them. On the other hand, it’s quite amazing that ants, bees, flies, spiders, other insects, most birds and penguins can!

    On the other hand, the quote you offer seems to indicate that they ‘live and dwell’ in the infra-red region. So pit vipers and some fish can take a peep at the angel’s homes.

    Not sure where god was going with that, but I suppose s/he works in mysterious ways.

    Did you know that the ground state Jinn for a Hydrogen atom is 13.6 eV? Always good to know god’s work in finer detail.

    “Since, to my knowledge, our experience of heat is directly related to the amount of Infra-red present, then if an apparition were created by concentrating or converting localised electro-magnetic energy, one would expect there to be a drop in Infra-red (and probably other frequencies) around the phantom, – hence a drop in temperature?”

    Your knowledge is quite mistaken. Since you’re basing your argument on pseudo-science, I think it’s time for a bit of a science lesson:

    Our experience of heat is just a measure of the average kinetic energy of our molecules. We feel it when our bodies absorb photons, which carry energy. These photons can have ANY energies, and therefore can have any wavelengths. Photons of all wavelengths are absorbed by us, a fact which is demonstrated by studying the spectrum of light that we see. It just so happens that for temperatures that we humans consider hot, the peak wavelength in this spectrum corresponds to infra-red light.

    So, our experience of heat is NOT directly related to the amount of infra-red present. Our experience of a temperatures around 300K (~30 celcius) is dominated by the infra red. But for higher temperatures, this peak would shift to lower wavelengths according to Wein’s law.

    So, there is no way that a lump of ‘localised electro-magnetic energy’, (localised in either space or in frequencies, you don’t specify) can correspond to a lowering of temperature. This is because, by definition, you are absorbing photons and thus gain energy and consequently feel warmer. The only way we can lose heat is by emitting photons. If a non-physical principle like the kind you described were to exist, we would have exploited it to make Jinn(TM) anti-microwave machines, where you put water in and it interacts with photons and turns into ice.

    I look forward to more of your technical discussions.



    July 20, 2008 at 12:06 pm

  29. Archaneus, have you checked out the Skeptic Annotated Quran as well? It’s linked in the blog roll. Fantastic site. If you want a quick reference of a particularly stupid verse, you can’t beat that site!

    ……wow. Seriously. Wow. I can follow maybe half of that, because I’m a moron, but I’m mega-impressed. Thank you. And wow.


    July 20, 2008 at 3:28 pm

  30. Kafir U Akbar

    Sean the Blogonaut

    July 20, 2008 at 10:09 pm

  31. ha ha ha, i love the search terms people use to find ure blog kafir girl, brilliant. If u ever need a reminder of the hypocrisy in our community- u always got ure blog stats on hand. Me own blog, now nuked due to the threats I received and had no choice but to take it down, even though it killed me to do it, was, “The Pakistani Heretical Girl,” which is fairly clear what I am about as such. This didn’t stop the weirdest folk and presumably the most hypocrtical landing on me site to castigate me being kufr- a tool of the west- a slag- of course- blah blah blah. Anyhow, the most popular search terms, here are some i noted down:

    hijabi sex, Pakistani sex, fucking Pakistani girl, pakistani girl uk sex on line, pakistani girl cell numbers, slave girls of karachi, lesbian kissing pakistani girls, mosque sex (wtf?), lonely Paki girls, Sluts of Pakistan, Desi prostitue girl, Paki masala, Paki girl pics- and me favorite- Pakistani girl in gold shoes.
    And after tapping in all this stuff all they could say to me is how much i will burn in Jehenem for all me sins and for being such a slag while the Neo Nazi BNP- peddling their sick ethnic obsession with me, while not threatening me life and stealing me pics to post in their chatrooms- where always on hand to remind me that “I am not really British no matter what me passport says.” But nice enough in a pair of gold shoes, apparently, Jihadis+BNP are all losers.


    July 21, 2008 at 11:50 am

  32. Aw, Sona appears to have taken his ball and gone home. I guess the holy forces of righteousness can’t stand up to your kryptonite-like snark.


    July 22, 2008 at 11:15 am

  33. Wha? Again?? Dang. So much for his comeback.


    July 22, 2008 at 11:33 am

  34. LOL(at)Muslims


    Especially “Islamic scholars who come and eat here and they all commented that it was a sign to show that Islam is the only true religion for mankind”


    July 22, 2008 at 4:10 pm

  35. No. Way. Allah meat?? It’s a culinary miracle of Islam!


    July 22, 2008 at 4:31 pm

  36. I can just imagine Allah up in heaven, thinking about how to show all those humans how great he is. Send Muhammad down on a winged horse to give an interview on Al Jazeera and Larry King? Rearrange the stars to spell “Look, the Quran is my word, you doofuses!”? Snap his fingers and adjust everyone’s minds to see the truth? “Naah,” he thinks, “I know! I can shape some gristle into a shape that vaguely sorta-kinda looks like my name!”


    July 22, 2008 at 6:04 pm

  37. Arensb, u know Muslims when u live with them have it all figured out, cos according to them Allah has done all sorts of cool stuff, like not just smashing up the world with floods and nuking out cities with a big queer community (probably one of the more fun hang outs no doubt in ancient Judaea).
    Plate Tectonics, Allah did it (after scientists discovered it). Two seas in the Gulf that don’t mix, Allah did it, gravity- it’s Allah’s law- etc etc. Scientifically, Muslims will tell you that Allah is totally responsible for all that, though whether Allah could have sparked the Big Bang is not on the agenda cos then u got to ask- well where was Allah before that- so Cosmology is out.
    There’s other stuff Allah also never claims responsibility for- women FREELY choosing their own sexual partners, and wooo- multiple partners are the main ones, he’s totally not up for that, no way. Yeah, that pisses him off totally.


    July 23, 2008 at 4:06 am

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