KafirGirl

We read the Quran so you don’t have to.

6: The Cattle (Part I — Woe is Mo.)

with 28 comments

6 chapters down, only 108 more to go!  Whoo!  Are you pumped?  Are you stoked??  Yeah, me neither.  But I’ll do it, goddamnit, because it needs to be done.  Pep talks are clearly not my thing.  Let’s just get this show on the road before I change my mind, huh?

In the previous 5 chapters, God’s been hating on Jews and women a lot.  Sometimes he jumps in and attacks the Christians, too.  But I imagine nobody in Mecca was more shit out of luck than a Jewish woman.  Except for maybe a Jewish lesbian.  I believe the technical term for that situation is fucked.  It would make for some really interesting reading, at least, but unfortunately for us, that’s not at all what this chapter is about. It’s about a group of people who God hates almost as much as he hates Jews:  the idol-worshipers.

When I think of idol-worshipers, I imagine the guys from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  Kaaali maaaa!  Shukthee dhey!  Um, yeah.  I imagine these guys weren’t quite the same.  I took to the internets to find out.

Here’s a little background:  chapter 6 was “revealed” to Mohammed in Mecca during his 12th year of preaching, right before he fled to Medina, where he became a political and military leader.  In Mecca, he was just another preacher.  A preacher that a lot of people hated:  the Jews, the Christians, and even his own tribe, the Quraysh.  The Quraysh (or Quraish) were a polytheistic pagan tribe, and they didn’t take too kindly to Mo’s proselytizing.  After all the shit I’ve recently learned about the good prophet, I honestly can’t say I blame them.

Anyway, the Quraysh are the unbelievers Mohammed God talks so much shit about in chapter 6.  And he wastes no time getting down and dirty:

1. ALL PRAISE BE to God who created the heavens and the earth, and ordained darkness and light. Yet the unbelievers make the others equal of their Lord.
2. It is He who created you from clay then determined a term (of life) for you, and a term (is fixed) with Him. Even then you doubt.
3. He is God in the heavens and the earth. He knows what you hide and bring out into the open, and knows what you earn (of good and evil).
4. Yet no sign of their Lord comes to them but they turn away from it.

The clay man was made from is no longer fermented.  That’s positive!  Not so positive:  God is still jacking himself off every 2.5 verses.  God is merciful, God is great.  Yeah, we get it.  Enough already.

6. Do they not see how many generations We laid low before them, whom We had firmly established in the land as We have not established you, and showered abundant rain on them, and made rivers lap at their feet, yet whom We destroyed for their sins, and raised new generations after them?

The fuck?  No, obviously they didn’t see all those generations God demolished and replaced with new generations.  They weren’t there.  Shouldn’t the all-knowing God know that?  And shouldn’t he just snap his fingers and *poof* send down some proof so these people will turn into believers?

7. Even if We had sent you a transcript on paper which they could feel with their hands, the unbelievers would have said: “This is nothing but clear sorcery.”
8. They say: “How is it no angel was sent down to him?” Had We sent an angel down the matter would have come to end, and they would have had no respite.
9. Even if We had sent down an angel as messenger he would have appeared in the garb of a man and filled them with confusion, like the one they are filled with.

Yup.  That’s God’s idea of proof.  Some words written on a piece of paper.  And an angel dressed like a man.  What.  The.  Hell?  Where to begin?

First off, why the fuck would an angel have to dress like a man to appear in front of people?  Why not just send down an angel that looks like an angel? Wouldn’t that kind of solve the whole confusion thing God’s bitching about?  Also, what the hell, didn’t God send down angels to a bunch of other people?  Mohammed himself, for starters.  Plus Lot and Mary, just off the top of my head.  They weren’t fucking confused.  Not even Mary, who by God’s own logic, should be easily confused by stuff because she’s a woman.

But more importantly, this is all God can think of?  Transcripts on paper and angels in men’s clothes?  Seriously?  This is the same fucking God that turned Jews into pigs and monkeys.  Couldn’t he put that same kind of creativity into this?

And another thing.  This is an excuse that a lot of you-have-to-have-faith people use even today:  nonbelievers wouldn’t believe, even when faced with testable evidence of God’s existence.  Bullshit!  Give me some actual testable evidence that the invisible skyfairy exists, and I’ll be the first to say I was wrong.  Then again, God’s idea of testable evidence is an angel disguised as a man and some sheets of paper.  And a pedophile who thinks demons live in his fucking toilet.  Yeah.  I’ll just stay a kafir until he can come up with something that makes some goddamned sense.

Check out my favorite part of the whole chapter:

33. We know what they say distresses you. It is not you in fact they accuse of lies, but the wicked deny the revelations of God!
34. Many an apostle has been accused of lies before you. Yet they bore with fortitude the falsehoods and the hurt until our help arrived. There is no changing the word of God: The news of (past) apostles has come to you already.

God knows the pagans are getting under Mohammed’s skin, so he consoles him by saying that all the prophets had to deal with such hardship.  And God just let them suffer until he felt like helping.  That’s how he rolls, bitches.  And then he says this:

35. If their aversion still weighs upon you, seek out a tunnel (going deep) into the earth, or a ladder reaching out to the skies, and bring them a sign: (Even then they will not believe). If God had willed He would have brought them all to the right path. So be not like the pagans.

That’s right.  God says that if it bugs Mohammed so bad, he can find a tunnel to hell or a ladder to heaven and go fetch the proofs himself.  Because, you know, hell is at the center of the earth.  You have to go through it to get to China.  And all you need to get to heaven is a really big ladder.  No shit.  I wonder why the astronauts haven’t run into it yet.  Not that they would believe in it, even if they did find it.

25. There are some among them who listen to you; but We have put a covering on their hearts so that they fail to understand it, and a deafness appears in their ears. Even if they saw all the signs they would not believe in them; and even when they come to you to dispute with you, the unbelievers say: “This is nothing but fables of antiquity.”

Ha!  Even back then, people were saying religion is a load of crap!

37. They say: “How is it no miracle was sent down to him from his Lord?” Say: “God certainly has power to send down a miracle; but most men cannot understand.”

God is just full of fucking excuses, isn’t he?  He can’t send a sign because people will be confused and they wouldn’t believe it anyway.  He can’t make the signs less confusing or more believable, because…well, I don’t fucking know why, because he doesn’t say.  And even if he could come up with something really creative and understandable — which he can’t — it wouldn’t matter anyway, because God put a covering on their hearts.

39. Those who deny Our revelations are deaf, dumb, and lost in the dark. God sends whosoever He wills astray, and leads whom He will to the straight path.

God doesn’t want the unbelievers to believe.  He makes it so they don’t understand the revelations, and he watches them stray off the righteous path.  And then he banishes them to hell anyway.  Why?  Because he said so, that’s why.

You know, I’m not really sure why I continue to be surprised when a chapter in the Quran doesn’t make any sense.  It’s getting harder and harder for me to understand how anyone could actually believe this shit, let alone kill and die for it.  And yet there are plenty of people out there willing and ready to do just that.  And even then, there are no guarantees that those people will get into heaven.  God says so himself:  he does what he wants.  He misleads people on purpose.  He sends people to hell just because he feels like it.  By his own word, you could be a good, pious Muslim your entire life, and he could blast you to hell just ‘cuz.  That’s God in a nutshell:  all-knowing, all-powerful, and absolutely full of shit.

Coming up next:  Abraham’s conversion story.  Plus a bunch of other prophets who were just as batshitass crazy as Mohammed.  Stay tuned!


Here are some more verses that are worth discussing, but not worth spending an entire post on:

  • 10. Surely the apostles have been mocked before you; but what they had mocked rebounded on the mockers themselves.
    Mohammed is rubber, pagans are glue.  God is a big fan of that one.  They mock him for mocking them, but the mock bounces back and mocks the mocker.  Or something.
  • 60. It is He indeed who sends you to death at night, and knows what you do in the day, then makes you rise with it again in order that the fixed term of life be fulfilled.
    God sends you to death at night.  You cannot make this shit up, people.
  • 142. He has created beasts of burden and cattle for slaughter. So eat of what God has given you for food, and do not walk in the footsteps of Satan who is surely your declared enemy.
    If you don’t eat meat, you’re walking in the footsteps of Satan.  Hey vegetarians:  you’re fucked.

Written by kafirgirl

July 26, 2008 at 12:13 am

Posted in Quran

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28 Responses

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  1. Ooo, yay! I’m a vegan — I’m probably quadruple-triple-double fucked, with vegan whipped cream on top.

    You know — I often manage to surprise people with the notion that, before anything else — before Proofs of God, all that — I reject Christianity, Islam, etc, on ethical grounds. And this post reminded me that you don’t even have to point to the obvious stuff, like what the scriptures say about women, slaves, you name it. You can point to stuff like God just coming out and saying, hey, I’ll lead you astray if I want, and if I do, you’re a wicked little unbeliever who’s going to burn in hell. It’s God as Amoral Fuckhead, and so many people lap it up.

    If that God actually existed, he’d be the enemy of mankind, and any decent person would have to stand against him, no matter how hopeless the task might be.

    Gregory

    July 26, 2008 at 12:44 am

  2. The Abrahamic religions are just virtual S&M. Take out a piece of paper and under “S” write down what would make a prefect “S”. If you include love for the “M” (regardless of what the “S” does to the “M”) you have defined god. If you include hate for the “M” you have defined Satan. Now make a column “M” and write down what would make a prefect “M” and you will have defined any true believer.

    GAD

    July 26, 2008 at 2:06 am

  3. “1. ALL PRAISE BE to God….. ”
    Arabic translit: “[006:001] Alhamdu lillahi allathee”

    Does God say this? Amazing. I thought humans say such things.
    But of course atheists are curious to know who created God? In other words does God have a superGod who created God and to whom God prays?

    Only Islam provides the answer to this question of atheists. See verse 33:56 where Allah and angels pray upon(yussalloona) Muhammad and verse 58:8 where Allah salutes Muhammad.

    So Muhammad created Allah.

    Anand

    July 26, 2008 at 4:04 am

  4. “God is just full of fucking excuses, isn’t he? He can’t send a sign because people will be confused and they wouldn’t believe it anyway. He can’t make the signs less confusing or more believable, because…well, I don’t fucking know why, because he doesn’t say. ”

    Perfect. If u can highlight this in bold, please do it. Quote of the day from u.

    Anand

    July 26, 2008 at 4:06 am

  5. I loved verse 10, Mohammed sounds like a fuckin’ 6 year old.

    It’s the equivalent of “I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I?!”

    Scott

    July 26, 2008 at 5:28 am

  6. “The Quraysh (or Quraish) were a polytheistic pagan tribe, and they didn’t take too kindly to Mo’s proselytizing. After all the shit I’ve recently learned about the good prophet, I honestly can’t say I blame them.”

    He didnt merely stop at proseletising/preaching his religion. He did something more that annoyed the polytheists-he insulted their Gods.
    “Several nobles of the Quraysh, including Utba and Abu Sufyan, went to Abu Talib and said, ‘Your nephew has insulted our gods and condemned our religion. He considers our young men to be fools, and our fathers to have erred.”[Sira Rasoolallah]

    http://www.faithfreedom.org/Articles/sira/03.htm

    Anand

    July 26, 2008 at 5:52 am

  7. I would have thought someone of your nature, meaning someone who lacks the basic knowledge coherent writing would atleast have some shame before jumping the wagon and insulting other people’s faith. Grow up and wash your mouth with soap, clearly you were never taught manners. And if you’re really interested in commentating on the Koran, then really it is wise you learn the science Ms Einstein. Grow up and get a life Kafirgirl (girl, you said it, not me). How ever so cheap to demoralise yourself, O the irony.

    Thinker

    July 26, 2008 at 7:10 am

  8. Gregory,

    I believe that you would be also in a dire problem from the guy at the other shop. Consider the following (I am just putting the whole text for the last two because these are more to the point):

    Acts 10:9-13

    Romans 14:2
    For one believeth that he may eat all things: another, who is weak, eateth herbs.

    1 Timothy 4:1-3
    Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils … commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.

    Furthermore, god was crazy about Abel’s offering, which was made of meat, and rejected Cain’s vegetables. Ergo, god seems not to be a vegetarian.

    Brg

    brg

    July 26, 2008 at 7:28 am

  9. Gregory, brg makes some good points. Actually, you might like it better in hell anyway. All you get to eat there is the fruit that burns you from the inside out. Raw veganism!

    Scott, it’s like a 6 year old resorting to, “Well my dad is gonna come beat up YOUR dad!” Or even better. “My dad beat up Timmy’s dad last year. But you weren’t there so you didn’t see. …your dad’s next!”

    Anand, good point.

    kafirgirl

    July 26, 2008 at 9:42 am

  10. @Thinker
    “I would have thought someone of your nature, meaning someone who lacks the basic knowledge coherent writing would atleast have some shame before jumping the wagon and insulting other people’s faith. Grow up and wash your mouth with soap, clearly you were never taught manners. And if you’re really interested in commentating on the Koran, then really it is wise you learn the science Ms Einstein. Grow up and get a life Kafirgirl (girl, you said it, not me). How ever so cheap to demoralise yourself, O the irony.”

    Stop attacking the person. Attack the idea please. Kafirgirl has raised valid points. Ur inability and frustration in not being able to refute is apparent.

    Kafirgirl’s writing will improve as she writes.

    Anand

    July 26, 2008 at 10:21 am

  11. Yup, the consensus is split pretty much in half — you either love the way I write, or you hate it. And it seems like the the half that hates it is the same half sending me hate mail and death threats. Interesting.

    Thinker, look up argumentum ad hominem. Then come back with something of value. Thanks.

    kafirgirl

    July 26, 2008 at 10:44 am

  12. From Thinker “…meaning someone who lacks the basic knowledge coherent writing would atleast have some…” – now that’s irony! Or is this some subtle post-modern joke that is beyond my intellect?

    I did see a one-word one that was better in a recent PowerPoint presentation: “organaised”

    Yes, I know it’s argumentum ad hominem but I can’ t help myself…temptation…too strong…self control too weak

    Oz

    July 26, 2008 at 12:15 pm

  13. Regarding Tinker’s comments:

    “.. meaning someone who lacks the basic knowledge coherent writing would atleast have some shame before jumping the wagon and insulting other people’s faith”.

    For what I have been learning recently through this site, doesn’t your comment apply to M and the Qu’ran as well, i.e.: incoherencies in the text + continuous insulting and threatening of people with other faiths, as well as their faiths themselves?

    Certainly you can’t attempt to condemm Kefira for her texts and opinions without condemming M and the Qu’ran for theirs.

    Brg

    brg

    July 26, 2008 at 12:30 pm

  14. brg and kafirgirl —

    Oh, I know it! Though I do know of one odd theological explanation for being a Christian vegetarian (it goes way back to the early years, too, which is one reason for the Timothy quote), and there are in fact many vegetarian Christians.

    And Hell is a stupid raw food movement? I HATE THAT SHIT!!!!! Oh, wait, that’s right. These beliefs are all make-believe. I’m okay. Phew!

    “Thinker” (the quotes seem necessary): you might, I dunno, look at the top of the page and click on that bit that says Deconversion Story. I wonder what she deconverted from? Asshat.

    Gregory

    July 26, 2008 at 12:39 pm

  15. Mmmm everything is about fruit and BBQ. Poor nutrition can also permanently inhibit proper brain function. As always, an obsene delight. Probably M.’s followers were wondering about why he couldn’t convert/control all those mean pagans, too. But I like that god basically tells him that it’s his problem because god couldn’t give two shits.

    Robin

    July 26, 2008 at 2:54 pm

  16. @anand
    “Kafirgirl’s writing will improve as she writes.”

    I disagree. I am not sure if you can get better than this.

    Abdullah

    July 26, 2008 at 5:11 pm

  17. Thinker,

    I utterly reject the idea that people must somehow show respect for other people’s religious faith. The faithful are often conducting themselves in accordance with their religious beliefs. That conduct often impacts other people’s lives. In the worst case scenario, public officials are formulating laws and public policy based on their religious beliefs. Because of that, I strongly feel that religion must compete in the marketplace of ideas and stand or fall based on an open and honest scrutiny of those beliefs.

    Kafirgirl is doing everyone a huge favor by focusing the light on the actual contents of the quran. I for one am having a great time following along with her analysis. The more irreverent the writing style, the better.

    The faithful can’t be reasoned out of something they never reasoned their way into in the first place. The strongest weapons us freethinkers have against this tired old myth and superstion is open, no-holds-barred, mockery and riducule. Kafirgirl, keep bringing it on!

    Johnny Cache

    July 26, 2008 at 5:42 pm

  18. I am not a fan of any religion and years ago I thought nothing could be crazier than the Old Testament and the theology of Christianity but I have come to have a lot more respect for both Judaism and Christianity, even the crazy literalist strains after looking into Islam. Muslims are correct when they say that Islam has purified religion – I just don’t agree that that is a good thing.

    But when I see ordinary Muslims like reporters and middle class professional Muslims being stunned and confused at hearing things from clerics which they would dismiss as Islamophobic lies from an unbeliever, and I read the writings of the Koran and Hadith – admittedly in translation but still… – I have to ask myself whether many Muslims have actually read this stuff. How can Muslims not know how old Aisha was at consummation? How can a Muslim living in the West not have heard enough about Christianity and Judaism to realize that Allah was clueless about them? How can they not have asked why Allah would tell people to refer to the Gospel and Torah for evidence and prophesy of Islam only to later tell them that they wouldn’t find it there because they are corrupted?

    How many Muslims know anything about Islam? I hope that someone translates your blog into Arabic and other Islamic languages since I know that the Google language tool would capture your humour style and clarity. It is a nice early attempt but it still needs work just to be accurate let alone good.

    Keep up the good work.

    Saul Wall

    July 26, 2008 at 9:53 pm

  19. I’m a bit confused as to why some people on both sides of the aisle are commenting negatively on Kafirgirl’s writing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her writing. It is clear and entertaining. I can understand why some people who disagree with the content would falsely criticize the writing itself as a way to discredit the content but I can’t understand how people who agree with the opinion would make comments implying discontent with the writing. She’s not writing a novel here, the intent is to relay information and in the process to be entertaining. She succeeds on both counts.

    Archaneus

    July 27, 2008 at 4:22 am

  20. @Abdullah/Archaneus
    My comment “Kafirgirl’s writing will improve as she writes.” has been misconstrued by you. It simply means what it says. We improve by doing. This applies to all fields of human endeavour. Unlimited is the scope for improvement. As we do more of anything, we try to be more imaginative and more creative. This applies to writing also. And of course, kafirgirl rocks .No doubt about it.

    anand

    July 27, 2008 at 8:01 am

  21. Johnny Cache:

    I utterly reject the idea that people must somehow show respect for other people’s religious faith.

    Agreed x a million.

    Why should I be expected to show respect for a religion that says I should be put to death for my opinions?

    kafirgirl

    July 27, 2008 at 11:01 am

  22. “Why should I be expected to show respect for a religion that says I should be put to death for my opinions?”
    Call the Tiger “Tiger Sir” and he will devour u. Call the Tiger “Dirty Tiger” and he will devour u. So why not call him “Dirty Tiger”?

    anand

    July 27, 2008 at 11:30 am

  23. The Cain/Abel story always baffled me, but the meat-eating thing starts to make sense as sour grapes over how their enemies got to live in the good places. These guys couldn’t be vegetarians because they lived where nothing will grow! To them some little oasis, where they got to eat fruit, was like heaven; they thought of Eden as a garden, Paradise will be a riverbank. Mo would’ve shit coconuts if he’d known how god gave the infidels places like Tahiti to live in.

    watercat

    July 27, 2008 at 8:47 pm

  24. Anand, exactly.

    Watercat, agreed. Heaven is about as far away from the desert as they could think of. And hell? The opposite end of the same spectrum — just like the desert only a million times hotter.

    kafirgirl

    July 27, 2008 at 10:00 pm

  25. Great work, Kafirgirl.

    I’m with those who think you write well. “Thinker” doesn’t seem to have a firm grasp of the English language and can’t tell the difference between informal writing and bad writing. You are clear, entertaining, and, yes, coherent.

    If you think “he sends you to death at night” is funny, wait until you read about the flat earth or the embryos growing out of blood clots.

    DaveL

    July 28, 2008 at 2:11 pm

  26. I don know who these ppl are who do not like the style here.. its absolutely awesome.. Kudos to Kafir girl..
    And like someone said above me, more irreverent the style the better. And its not just release of frustration on the pathetic book that Quran is, it is also making arguements which no one bothers to answer.
    Saul Wall, dude, its time you also read the Bible and realised it is also just as false as the Quran. The only difference is that Quran is new and still yet to take these verses lightly.
    The way I see it, atheist religiosity and rejection of truth claims of jesus, mo etc. is the way to proceed into the new age.

    Another Kafir

    July 29, 2008 at 2:59 am

  27. The Sira account quoted by me that Muhammad insulted the gods of the pagans find corroboration in verse 6:108 of Quran:
    “Revile not ye those whom they call upon besides Allah, lest they out of spite revile Allah in their ignorance….”

    Yes. Mo and his gang not merely preached their new religion but reviled pagan gods. This pissed off the pagans.

    Anand

    July 29, 2008 at 4:10 am

  28. DaveL, thank you. I did recently come across a flat earth verse, and I almost died while choking on my coffee. How ridiculous is that? And then another reader linked me to a video of a Muslim “scholar” (and seriously, I use that word very lightly) arguing that
    a) the earth is bigger than the sun
    b) the moon is 1/2 the size as the sun
    c) no scientist really knows how the eye works

    Unfuckingbelievable, right? These people exist.

    AK, thanks, dude. I think you misread Saul Wall’s comment. He said he thought nothing could be crazier than the Old Testament and Christianity. Which I also thought, until I started reading this thing. They’re all nuts.

    kafirgirl

    July 29, 2008 at 7:41 am


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