So hey, surprise, I’m still alive! And also I’m surprised anyone read this blog, surprised anyone concocted theories about what might have happened to me, and surprised people are still checking in 10 years later wondering where I am. We’re all surprised!
First off, I’m fine. Nothing happened to me. I’ve struggled with depression on and off for my entire life, and winter of 2009 was a really bad one for me. I stopped doing anything that wasn’t helping me actively feel better, and that included reading the Quran and writing this blog. I should have come on here to write a silly post about why I wasn’t blogging anymore, but in the fog of depression, I figured nobody was paying attention anyway. (That’s a thing depression does — fun!)
By the time I pulled myself out of that hole several years later, I’d simply moved on with my life. Whichever one of you wrote about Occam’s Razor in the comments section — ding ding ding! You get the prize.
My trusty old copy of the Quran, the one I’d had since college, has been abandoned somewhere along the way. I lost the desire to ever actually read the book so I put it in a box and left it in the attic of a house before I moved out. I wonder sometimes if someone ever found that beat-up old thing, complete with my shitty little notes about farts in the margins.
I’m taking down my posts from 2008 and 2009. I’m so happy I found Jesus and he helped me get through that hard time. Haw haw! JK, I’m still a big old atheist. Maybe even bigger than before because I’m proudly out to my (still Muslim) family and they’ve accepted it and moved on with life. I’m not removing my posts because I’m ashamed of them. I re-read them before writing this post and I made myself laugh. It looks like some Trump-loving dummies have posted links on Reddit. For the record, fuck Trump and fuck those people. Even way back then, I had politically conservative jackasses using my words as a way to bash Muslims simply for being Muslims, versus the point of the thing — all religion is dumb, this is just the dumbness I grew up with and I’m exploring that dumbness. I just don’t have the time / energy / desire to shout into the void that’s the internet.
These days, it feels hard enough being a brown person without religion in the mix at all. So, screw it, I’m taking it down.
I read through the unpublished comments folks left and sprinkled in between the usual god-will-punish-you garbage, I found a small handful of comments like this: “KafirGirl was pivotal in my leaving of Islam (and loving it)…” That warms my icy little heart more than you can ever know. I did a thing and it had an impact on someone.
That’s that. Thanks for caring and wondering where I’ve been. Now go forth and live life, because this is our one shot at it and it’s too damn short to spend yelling at dummies on the internet. And if you’re struggling with depression, get help. It changed my life — with zero gods involved ;)
— KafirGirl
KafirGirl 